


Only You

by anri



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, If that makes it any better, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Trans Hinata, Trans Kenma, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Wow that looks depressing, but there's mild sex as well?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 07:35:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3759925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anri/pseuds/anri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puberty is never easy. Let alone when your body is refusing to cooperate with you on even the simplest things. <br/>It doesn't get any easier when you have a massive crush on your classmate, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yooo this fanfiction is basically just a place for me to vent my own dysphoric feelings towards myself because I am a trans guy too, so you know. *Throws sparkles* I'm still really nervous about writing Haikyuu!! too, not gunna lie.

He was sat at the dinner table when he felt it. He winced, sitting up straighter, bringing one hand back to rub his back gently. “Shoyo? Are you alright?” his mum asked, and he nodded,

“My back hurts a little bit, that’s all,” he mumbled.

“Where?” his mum asked, pausing her eating for a moment,

“Lower back. It’s just kinda achy,” he explained.

“You probably strained yourself in volleyball practice. Just take it easy next time,” she said, and he nodded, slowly going back to eating.

He ended up lying on the sofa on his front, whining slightly. “Is your back still sore?” he mum asked, he moaned into the pillow he was resting on. “Why don’t you put a warm compress on it when you go to bed?” she suggested, and he nodded, easing himself off the sofa and up to his bedroom.

The next day his back still ached a little bit, and he was overly conscious of it when he was cycling to school. He couldn’t think of anything that could have set it off – he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary at volleyball that could have pulled a muscle.

It was about halfway through English class when the ache spread to his lower stomach. It was an odd sensation, and a tight sharp ache. And then suddenly it dawned on him. He knew what it might have been, and it felt like a pit had opened inside his stomach. He put a shaky hand up, asking to be excused. He checked his chair before he left the classroom, pulling his hoodie down, now hyper conscious of himself. His head felt like his head was spinning as he made his way to the bathroom. He took note of the fact that it was empty before he locked himself in the last cubicle at the end. He couldn’t describe the horror he felt when he pulled his underwear down and saw red.

It was going to happen eventually. He knew that was going to happen – he couldn’t escape it, no matter how much he tried to pretend it wasn’t like this. From before he could remember – from the moment he could talk, he was crying that something was wrong. He had his name changed and he began his transition halfway through first school, and he’d been living as a boy without hitch ever since. He was, thank god, a late bloomer in puberty and had remained flat chested his entire life.

But now his body was catching up with him. And he was starting to change. He pulled his phone out of his pocket cursing under his breath. “C’mon mum, pick up, pick up, pick up…” he whispered over and over to himself.

 “Shoyo? What is it?” his mum answered. He let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair.

“Mum….it’s started…I got my….period,” he practically whispered the last word, unable to actually confess what had just happened. There was a silence on the phone. “Oh sweetie,” his mum’s voice was full of sympathy, and for some reason that made everything worse. He burst into tears right there and then. “Sweetie, it’s okay, it’s okay,”

“It’s not, though,” he whimpered, breathing in shakily. “This isn’t supposed to happen,” he fisted his hair angrily.

“Do you want me to come and pick you up?” his mum asked. He paused,

“But there’s volleyball practice…”

“If you want to go, you can, but if you want to go home, honey, I’ll come by right away. It’s your choice.”

It was a difficult choice. He wanted to be with the team. He really did. He didn’t want to pull apart from them. But it hurt so much, and he couldn’t stop shaking. Every time he moved he felt uncomfortable. It was a reminder he _wasn’t the same_. No matter how hard he wanted it – no matter how many procedures he got, he would never be the same. He wasn’t right. And he could forget that, sometimes, but now it was going to be every month – an unending reminder that he wasn’t right. That he was becoming a woman. He curled his hand up into a fist, breathing out. “I need to go home,”

“Alright, sweetheart – go to the nurse’s office. The school knows, so you can tell them what happened, and you wait for me, okay?”

 

He sat curled up on himself in a chair in the nurse’s office. If he had his legs up, no one would be able to see the hot water bottle he had pressed to his lower abdomen. He just wanted to disappear. He was so tired already. “Hinata?” he looked up when he heard his name and saw Yamaguchi staring at him. Crap.

“Oh, Yamaguchi….you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just here to get my medication, are you okay?” he looked and saw Hinata’s school bag at his side. “Are you going home?” Hinata nodded feebly.

“I feel really sick, I’m sorry I can’t make it to volleyball practice,” he said in such a soft voice that the other boy nearly had to lean down to hear him. “No – don’t worry, it’s not your fault! I’ll tell the other guys at practice, don’t worry!” he said as he got called into the other room. Hinata couldn’t help feeling like he’d just lied to him as he sat there.

 

“Whaat? Hinata’s sick? Are you kidding me?” Tanaka asked, and Yamaguchi shook his head.

“He left halfway through English, and didn’t come back,” Kageyama added, throwing the ball up in the air.

“Yeah, okay, but this is _Hinata_ – the guy who literally puked on the floor and kept going. It’s strange,” Daichi admitted, and Suga nodded his head, “Yeah – I think we should go see if he’s okay. Whatever’s keeping him home must be serious.”

“And he cycles to school, doesn’t he? His bike must still be here,” Noya added. And it was settled.

 

Hinata was lying in bed on his own, just staring at the wall. He felt terrible. He wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. He’d gone straight to bed when he got home. He didn’t want to know where the sanitary towels and tampons were kept, or how to properly use them. He didn’t care. He heard the doorbell go, but he didn’t even think about it. He just kept lying there, staring at the wall, waiting for his eyes to fall heavy with sleep. “Sho,” his mother called, popping her head around the door, “it’s your volleyball team.” His heart sank.

“Can’t you tell them I’m asleep? I really…don’t want to see them right now.” His mother bit her lip.

“They brought your bike home and they brought you food,” involuntarily, his stomach growled at that. He hadn’t eaten all day. “They just want to know if you’re okay,” she added. He sat up, wrapping his blanket around himself.

“That’s why I don’t wanna see them. They’ll ask why I skipped…and I’ll have to tell them,”

“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. It’s none of their business, Shoyo,” she said, “I’m sending them in, so you decide what you’re going to do.”

He was going to tell them. Of course he was going to tell them. He’d wanted to say it – he felt like he wasn’t being honest if he didn’t. He knew it didn’t change who he was. He was a boy – the fact that he was transgender was irrelevant – he was a boy and he had a right to be there, same as them. But he wanted them to know.

All of the team  wandered cautiously into the room. “Hey Hinata!” Suga said, smiling as he sat down on the floor. The rest of the team swiftly followed, except for Kageyama, who sat on the end of the bed. “Hey guys,” he replied weakly.

“We brought pork buns,” Noya added, handing the bag over to Hinata. He took it and pulled one out quickly. Jesus, he was hungry.

“We wanted to make sure you were okay – it’s not like you to miss practice,” Daichi said, rolling up his sleeves. Hinata nodded. “Are you feeling any better now?”

He chewed his lip, “Uh, a little bit, but…this is kind of going to become a regular thing, I guess. Hopefully not missing practice – I mean, I want to get used to this, so I can continue practise…but I don’t know if I can take it. I really don’t want to skip practice – you know I don’t, but I just-“

“Hinata,” Kageyama said, “Calm down, you’re babbling,” the ginger boy stared him straight in the face and without looking away he said it.

“I’m transgender. I was born Shoko…but I started crying whenever anyone called me that, and I cried when I had to put on dresses, and I had tantrums whenever my  mum tried to get me into my school skirt, so after negotiating and talking, I started living as Shoyo. I was born a girl, but I am a boy. But I just…I started…” he couldn’t say it. It was too embarrassing. Pretty much everyone at his old schools knew about him before, so he’d gotten so used to saying it. It was the new part he was having trouble with. He didn’t look away from Kageyama’s face. He didn’t want to know what anyone else thought. “Hinata,” he said.

Hinata nodded.

“Are you scared Daichi’s going to throw you off the team now?” Kageyama asked. He nodded shakily, his eyes blurring with tears.

“I don’t wanna go to the girls’ team - all my time in junior high, everyone said I was one of the girls…and I don’t want to go back to that,” he whimpered.

“You’re not going to the girls’ team.” Daichi said firmly. Hinata looked up, “You’re _our_ player, Hinata. You’re important to us. We’re not going to give you to the girls’ team, because you’re not a girl. You don’t belong on their team,” Daichi told him. Hinata couldn’t stop himself from smiling at that.

“Plus where else am I going to get someone who spikes my tosses like you?” Kageyama asked. The rest of the boys agreed with him, and he couldn’t help smiling even more. He’d expected at least someone to ask why. Or to ask an invasive question – that happened before. But none of them asked anything – they just reassured him that he wasn’t going anywhere. And even when the conversation moved on, he couldn’t feel anyone looking at him any differently.

They all stayed until it got dark, and Yamaguchi said that his dad would be wondering where he was, and reluctantly the other guys had agreed it was about time that they got home too. They were filing out of the house, and Hinata was watching them leave. Kageyama was the last one. “Hey, wait a sec,” Hinata said softly, and the taller boy turned around. “Can I…can I have a hug?” he asked gently, almost afraid to look at his face. Kageyama scowled for a moment and then sighed, “Just this once, okay, you idiot?” he agreed, bending down slightly so he could properly hold Hinata. The hug only lasted a few seconds, but it comforted the shorter immensely. He wasn’t totally sure when he’d fallen in love with his setter. But as he stood there now, his arms wrapped around his waist, he felt his heart speed up. He cursed as Kageyama let go, “you better come to practice tomorrow – you need to work on your receiving,” he warned, and Hinata nodded,

“Yeah I know – now go home you idiot!”

 

Kenma smiled lightly to himself as he set his controller down, getting his phone out to take a picture of the screen. He sent it to Shoyo, knowing he was probably the only one who was actually interested in his high scores. Other than Kuroo, of course. But Kuroo was also sat on the floor next to him, so it wasn’t really worth texting the result to him.

It took a few minutes before he got a reply.

_From: Shoyo_

_That’s great, man._

Full grammar and no exclamation points – something was wrong. Kenma frowned as he lay back on his bed.

_To: Shoyo_

_What’s wrong?_

It took a few minutes again before he got a response.

_From: Shoyo_

_Nothing._

Kenma frowned more. Something was definitely up.

_To: Shoyo_

_No, seriously. What’s up?_

_From: Shoyo_

_Urgfhfh bad day. I did something and now I feel really dumb bout it._

_To: Shoyo_

_What did you do?_

_From: Shoyo_

_Promise you won’t judge me?_

_To: Shoyo_

_I promise._

He got nothing from him after that for a long period of time. He was worried that he’d upset Shoyo by intruding, and he was about to text an apology, when it came through.

_From: Shoyo_

_I’m transgender._

“Oh my god,” Kenma whispered to himself. He couldn’t believe it. He tried thinking up something to say back, something to explain the situation, but he couldn’t think of any words to properly describe it. So he just did the only think he could think to do. He didn’t wear a binder at home. Honestly, he didn’t get much dysphoria about himself – it was more about how other people saw him that panicked him. When he was at home – no one was going to judge him - no reason to wear a binder. He felt more comfortable and more masculine without it, anyway. And when Kuroo was around, he’d known since a long time ago, and he’d stayed. He was the only person beside his parents who he trusted when he was like this. Kenma just pulled up his shirt to expose his breasts and turned the camera on. And then he sent it to Shoyo.

_From: Shoyo_

_????!!!!!!????!!!!?!/?!?!?!?!?!?!_

Kuroo turned to look at him, “are you literally sexting someone else whilst I am sat _right here_?” he asked. Kenma furrowed his eyebrows,

“No?”

“I literally just saw you take a picture of your chest and send it,”

“I was sending it to Shoyo,”

“So that makes it okay?” Kuroo asked, leaning over him.

“I sent it to Shoyo because he just told me he’s transgender too,” he explained. Kuroo raised his eyebrows,

“Seriously? Wow, well in that case, you are excused, I guess,” he muttered, leaning down to kiss Kenma firmly on the lips. The younger boy pulled away quickly, turning back to his phone. Kuroo kneeled over him, simply turning his attention to Kenma’s neck, his hands preoccupied with pulling Kenma’s shirt up gain.

_From: Shoyo_

_R u srs?_

_From: Shoyo_

_Like actually_

_From: Shoyo_

_Oh my god_

_To: Shoyo_

_I’m serious. I know._

_From: Shoyo_

_I mean wow. Also my mum takes my phone sometimes so plz don’t send anything like that again. I don’t need my mum seein that stuff_

_To: Shoyo_

_Sorry. I didn’t know what else to do._

Hinata smiled to himself, putting his phone down on his bedside table. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had other people who knew, other people like him. It wasn’t looking like such a dark place anymore – he could see light at the end of the tunnel.


	2. Chapter 2

After his first period, however, things only went downhill. Spiking had become uncomfortable, so had running, and really…all aspects of volleyball. His chest kept becoming sore whenever he tried moving with any great speed. He knew why. His whole life, he’d been blessed with a particularly androgynous physique. And he was lucky about that. But his mother had had the same figure when she was younger; until she turned sixteen or so, and her body started developing. She got breasts, hips and curves. All the things Hinata was absolutely terrified of getting. And it seemed like he was reaching the age where he was developing, too.

He thought he could manage it on his own, but he couldn’t even make it a week with how uncomfortable jumping was. He didn’t know what to do. Completely lost, he decided to text Kenma.

_To: Kenma_

_Hey can I ask you something???_

_From: Kenma_

_Sure, go for it._

_To: Kenma_

_Im rlly sorry if this is too personal but…_

_What do u do about your chest? I mean w/boops and evrythin_

_To: Kenma_

_Srry that was a dumb question_

_From: Kenma_

_No, don’t worry, it’s alright._

_I wear a binder._

_To: Kenma_

_??? Explain >???_

_From: Kenma_

_It flattens down your “boops” to give you a more masculine chest._

_To: Kenma_

_!!!???!?!?!?!?!?_

“Sweetie, can you put Natsu to bed?” his mum asked, and he looked up from his phone.

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled, setting his phone on the table, running up the stairs. His little sister was already in her room, sat at her table calmly drawing. “Hey Nat, what’re you doing?” he said softly as he shut her door.

She looked up, smiling, “Drawin’ a picture,”

“Yeah, of what?” he asked, looking over a shoulder.

“Me and Kagemama,”

“Kage _yama_ , and oh really?”

“Yeah,” she giggled, “I like him. Is he coming over again?”

“Maybe, now go brush your teeth – it’s your bed time now,” he reminded her, patting her on the shoulder. She nodded, running out of the door. He stared at her drawing for a little while. He really liked Kageyama. He really did. He was happy that Natsu liked him too, because he wanted Kageyama to be in their family. But he was so nervous. The whole team had accepted him. No one brought it up, or treated him any differently. But accepting was a lot different to falling in love with someone. He couldn’t help feel like no one could ever take him seriously as a gay man. He’d always known that he was attracted to boys - it wasn’t really a surprise. His middle school friends had accepted it – but when he was talking about it one day, a girl in his class had spoken up – _“but you’re a boy now. If you like boys, then you’re a girl.”_ So many people had told him that she was dumb, and she just didn’t understand. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that that was how other people viewed him. And he could handle Kageyama not returning his feelings – what he couldn’t handle was Kageyama seeing him as a girlfriend.

Natsu came back into the room, looking at her older brother. “Now go get your pyjamas on, and get into bed,” he told her. She smiled at him grabbing her bedclothes from off her pillow. “Hey Natsu, can I tell you somethin’?”

“Yeah?”  
“I really like Kageyama, too.”

“In a boyfriend way?”

“Yeah. In a boyfriend way,”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” Hinata yelled defensively, and she frowned,

“Then why does he come round so much?” Natsu asked, crawling into bed. Hinata shrugged,

“He’s just my friend at the minute,” Natsu frowned even harder at that,

“Why isn’t he your boyfriend?”

“He has to like me for that, Natsu!” he argued. She shook her head,

“Well he has to like you to put up with you all the time. No one else on your team puts up with you so much! It’s just him!” she pointed out, rolling over in bed. “Night night!” Hinata stood up from his spot on the floor.

“Oh…good night…” his face was completely red from his talk with his sister. Why did he think it would be a good idea to talk to her about his crush? She had no idea what he was feeling – or what Kageyama was thinking. He focused on his breathing to calm himself as he wandered down the stairs.

 

His mum was sat on the sofa, and she looked up at him, “your phone keeps buzzing. Are you talking with Kenma again?” she asked. Hinata nodded, unlocking his phone,

“I was asking him about binding,” he tried to pass it off as casual, but he’d never mentioned it at all before – binding. It hadn’t been an issue. “Why do you want to know about binding?” his mum asked.

“Lately…in volleyball practice it’s um… it’s been uncomfortable. And I know that my chest has been changing…” he muttered. His mum bit her lip,

“Sho, I’ll buy you a binder – you know I’ll do that for you.  But for volleyball, you’re not looking for a binder to help with that.”

 

A sports bra. That’s what his mother had meant. He couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror when he put it on in the morning – his fingers shaking around the clasps. It took several tries for him to get it on properly. He took his volleyball sweater with him that morning - he didn’t want anyone else to see what he was wearing. He couldn’t do it. Before he left that morning, he took some of the bandages from the medical cabinet and slipped them into his bag.

Spiking was horrible with a bra on. He couldn’t concentrate. He felt overly conscious of everything he did – he couldn’t jump. “Hinata, is there something wrong?” Suga asked. Hinata clutched at his chest momentarily, but shook his head.

“Nothing…” he replied quietly, turning away. Everyone noticed that he wasn’t his normal self. He knew none of them meant it in a hurtful way, but the pressure was unbearable. He couldn’t wear a bra. He couldn’t do it. “I need to go to the bathroom,” he said quietly, excusing himself.

He stood in the changing rooms holding the bandages in his hands. He didn’t want to have to wait for the binder. He didn’t want to have to wait to be okay with himself. He wanted it now. He took his sweater off, and then his shirt, and finally the bra. He never wanted to see that thing again. He started to unwind the bandage when he heard the door open. “Get out!” he yelled, turning towards a corner.

“Shit, Hinata, I didn’t realise…” it was Kageyama.

“No, it’s okay, do you need something?” he asked, his hands dropping the bandage, reaching for his shirt.

“I um, I left my sweatshirt,” he said. Hinata pulled his shirt back on.

“It’s okay – you can come in now,” he called. Kageyama slowly made his way into the room, his eyes searching over Hinata. He grabbed his sweater, pulling it on. His eyes caught sight of the bandage on the floor, and Hinata felt something drop in his stomach. “Are you injured?” Kageyama asked, his voice firm. He already knew the answer.

“Well, I, uh, I just,” Hinata stammered. He didn’t know what to say.

“Or were you going to use that bandage to bind your chest?”

“…”

Kageyama sighed, picking up the bandage, winding it angrily in his hand. “Do you know what this can do to you? If you try to breathe in this, this could restrict and crush your ribs – and that’s even when you’re not doing sport – imagine how badly you could hurt yourself if you had put this on and tried to play?” he yelled. Hinata grabbed his arms, cradling himself. Kageyama handed the bandaging back. “I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. No one on this team does. I can’t imagine it. But hurting yourself is not going to make the situation better,” Hinata took the bandaging, holding it in his hands.

“I know this isn’t a good thing to do, but I need a solution to this now. I can’t wait until I have a binder…and even then…I have to wear a bra for sports. I like volleyball, but I can’t enjoy it without putting myself in this…stress,” he ran a hand over his face.  

“You know no one even notices. I know you do, and that’s the problem, but…I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I can’t make you feel better, and I know that…” he squinted, making one of his faces again. Hinata put the bandages on the bench behind to him.

“Can I have a hug?” he blurted out. Kageyama raised his eyebrows, but nodded,

“Sure,”

It took some adjusting – mainly because Hinata found out that hugging a tall person didn’t at all seem like it did on TV. He ended up with his arms wrapped around Kageyama’s waist, and the other boy holding onto his shoulders. This happened because Hinata had tried to put his arms around his neck, but he couldn’t actually reach. “This is comfy,” Hinata muttered, resting his cheek on Kageyama’s chest. He really hoped the hotness of his cheeks wasn’t burning through the sweatshirt. The black haired boy just grunted in response. Hinata didn’t know when to let go – he certainly didn’t _want_ to let go, but he knew he’d have to at some point. “Listen,” Kageyama said quietly, “I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Who else can hit my tosses like you can? You can’t be replaced on the team like I can with Suga… I’m not good at talking, but…urgh, I… I’d be unhappy if you were…” Hinata pulled away, looking up at his friend. His cheeks were flushed, and his mouth kept opening and shutting as he tried to think of things to say.

This was the man that Hinata loved. There were so many people on the team – Asahi, the gentle giant. Tanaka - the enthusiastic, supportive senpai. Suga - a brilliant setter and an even better human being. Yamaguchi – nervous, dedicated and utterly adorable. So many other boys  - so many other _decent_ choices. And he was stuck with this one. Someone who tripped over their own words, was a genius but only in volleyball, who had a face like he was ready to kill. And he’d still pick him over anyone else. If he had to pick another person to spend the rest of his life with, it would be him.

“I love you,” he hadn’t meant to say it. Well, certainly not as loud as he did. His voice echoed off the walls of the changing room, and he heard the taller boy’s breath hitch. _Shit_. “Oh, I, ah,” he curled and uncurled his hands, deciding whether to let go of Kageyama or not. He probably should. This was creepy. He started unwinding his arms, “stop,” Kageyama’s voice was just as awkward and loud, and the two of them just looked at each other. He let one of his hands fall from Hinata’s shoulder, and tentatively ran the back of hand down the side of his face. When he didn’t pull away, he stared brushing his thumb against Hinata’s cheek. He kept searching his face for any sign of displeasure, but there was none. If anything, there was…relief. Something had to go wrong – he could feel it. He felt like he should have said something, but they were both so bad at words. So instead, he leaned down a little bit. Hinata got the hint, and leaned forward on his tiptoes, the two of them butting heads from the shorter boy’s eagerness.

They pulled away quickly, Kageyama swearing under his breath as he clutched his forehead. “Fuck! I’m sorry!” Hinata squawked, flapping about, unsure whether to help him or not. “It’s okay! Don’t worry!” Kageyama cried. He instantly regretted it – he sounded angry, worn out. The ginger boy slumped down onto the bench, putting his head in his hands. As the throbbing in his forehead subsided, he looked down on the boy, only to find him peaking up at him from the cuffs of his sweater. And then there was laughter bubbling from Hinata’s lips, and he couldn’t stop it. It was contagious, and before they knew it, the both of them were in absolute hysterics. Hinata kept laughing as Kageyama sunk to his knees, finally level to the shorter boy as he sat on the bench. He pulled in close, resting his fingertips on the top of his thighs, face only inches from his. Hinata pulled his arms around the dark haired boys’ shoulders. They just stared at each other for a moment or two, but then he tightened his grip around his shoulders, sucking his lower lip in, and that was it.

Kageyama’s lips felt slightly rough and chapped, and that somehow suited him. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He was actually kissing him. He clasped his hand in the taller boy’s hair, and Kageyama pulled a way for a second, whispering “no tugging on my hair, asshole,” before pulling him closer than he was previously. His fingers left his thighs, only so he could his arms around his waist. They kept kissing, stopping for breath breaks. Hinata put his hands on each side of Kageyama’s face, resting his forehead against his. “I can’t believe this really just happened,” he admitted,

“Me neither,” the other boy breathed, the two of them staring at each other again. Hinata couldn’t process what was happening. Kageyama was kissing him. He was kissing him back. He hadn’t pushed him away. This was really happening. “Kiss me harder.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but seriously. Never ever ever EVER E V E R wearing bandages to bind. It's dangerous and you will. Get. Hurt. Not for an hour, five minutes, even five seconds. I don't care. Don't do it. It can break ribs, puncture lungs - you could permanently damage your chest and be unable to bind again. There are so many SAFE methods of binding out there - look them up. Do not hurt yourself, it is not worth it.  
> And please do not draw or present characters as binding with bandages or doing anything unsafe whilst binding. I see a lot of people drawing the Haikyuu boys as binding whilst playing. Whilst wearing a binder in volleyball isn't as bad as in other sports, it's still not good. You should wear a sports bra for sports. Binders are not made with sports in mind. Please don't present characters as using unsafe binding methods, it could encourage someone to do something that could hurt them.  
> I just wanted to make that clear. The other thing i wanted to tell you was that that was the best kissing scene I've ever written.


	3. Chapter 3

Dating Kageyama really didn’t change much about their relationship. They still argued in practice, still raced to be the first one in the gym, still competed in everything they did. Sometimes the other boys would comment that it was hard to tell that they actually had started dating.  But there were some changes – when Hinata slipped or fell in practice, Kageyama would rush to him, asking if he was okay and help him up. Of course, there was also the amount of time the two of them spent together, the kisses and cuddles they shared. Usually this was at Hinata’s house – Kageyama’s parents didn’t exactly know about Hinata being his boyfriend. There were very few moments when they weren’t disturbed by Natsu or by his mum, but the little time they had to themselves was enough. Hinata loved him. The feeling grew with every conversation he had with him, every time he took his hand, or kissed him. This feeling bubbled up in his chest and he couldn’t control it.

“Hey,” Kageyama called, knocking on the door. Hinata changed in the bathroom, now. He trusted the team, but he also knew that changing with them would just make everyone uncomfortable. “What?” Hinata called back, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Are we still going back to your house for dinner?” Kageyama asked as the door opened.

“Of course – you’re not bailing out on me, are you?” Hinata replied, leaning against the door frame. Kageyama shook his head quickly, “no, no, I was just wondering – your mum must get tired of me coming around so much,”

“No!” Hinata said quickly, “She’s really happy that I have a boyfriend! And she really likes you!” he blurted out. Kageyama frowned at him, opening his mouth to say something else when Hinata gasped, “Unless of course _you_ don’t like my mum! Then we could go to your house or something – uh, if you, shit, I mean that would be really last minute for your parents with their work, and they don’t even know that we’re dating so, um, b-but of course they wouldn’t have to know! I mean it’s…it’s dinner, it’s not marriage, or anything, oh my god what was I thinking I-“

“Hinata,” Kageyama cut in, and the ginger haired boy looked up, “be quiet, you’re overthinking and not breathing,” he reminded him, and the shorter boy sucked in a breath. “I want to go to your house, I love your family, but I don’t want to intrude on you all the time. I mean, like in family time, or whatever,” Hinata ran his finger down the zip on Kageyama’s jacket.

“My mum already sees you as my husband, basically,” he laughed, and Kageyama leaned down to kiss him. They’d mutually decided that Hinata was to never ever jump up when they were kissing, just to avoid head-butting each other again. Hinata pulled his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, and he felt his hands wind around his waist. God, kissing him was perfect. He pulled himself closer, trying to deepen the kiss. “Gayyyy,” they broke apart, turning to the end of the corridor to see Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stood laughing. Kageyama sighed, about to call something back when they heard Suga shout very calmly down the corridor, “Tsukishima, shut up, you’re one of the gayest people here.”

 

The first thing Hinata did when they got back to his bedroom was take off his trousers. Kageyama smirked, “you really begrudge trousers, don’t you?” he said, setting his bag down on the floor.

“I prefer shorts but I can’t be bothered to put shorts on right now s boxers have to do,” he reasoned.  
“Well you know I don’t mind,” Kageyama muttered, turning to arrange Hinata’s drawers. His room had not been the cleanest space in the world, but Kageyama had somehow slowly begun to order it one small area at a time whenever he came over. First with slight movements to the books on Hinata’s desk, and then as he made his bed, and had become slightly more open by actively going through and organising his clothes. Hinata had found it cute – Kageyama’s room was neat and orderly, and having organised spaces clearly put him at ease, so he’d been trying his best to keep things the way he made them, but it was difficult sometimes. “Your shirts go in the hanging space, not on the floor, dumbass,” he scolded, picking up the articles of clothing,

“But I already wore them…” Hinata murmured, and Kageyama looked at him with pure disgust, throwing the shirts across the room,

“Then put them in the fucking wash! Oh my god,” he shook his hand, looking back at Hinata’s shelves to distract himself.

His eyes caught on a picture frame. It was tucked away in a place that he’d assumed Hinata wasn’t able to reach, so he hadn’t noticed it before. It was a picture of a man and his child, both of them with fiery orange hair. The man pulling his son close to his chest, the two of them grinning. “Is this you and your dad?”  Kageyama asked, and Hinata made a soft sound of agreement. “I haven’t met him before, does he work late?” he asked, and a silence followed. He turned back to see Hinata sat on his bed, his face turned down. He knew that was a question he shouldn’t have asked. Hinata chewed his lip, thinking before finally saying it. “He died five years ago.” Kageyama pressed his lips into a firm line. Shit. He messed up.

“Oh, I’m really sorr-“

“No no, it’s okay, don’t worry,” he licked his lips, standing up. There was another silence between them, and Kageyama shrugged,

“Do you want to talk about him or?” Hinata nodded, tugging gently on Kageyama’s hand, pulling him closer.

“He was super cool. Natsu didn’t really know him, which is a shame. He was the one who decided on Shoyo for me, and he was so…accepting. He said he felt relieved that he didn’t have two daughters, because he didn’t want to trip on two wedding dresses when… walking us down the aisle at our weddings,” his voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and he cupped his spare hand to his mouth. Kageyama didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Hinata was crying. He didn’t want to watch the boy he loved cry, he didn’t deserve that. “Hey,” he said softly, pulling him closer. Hinata was usually the one to say something silly that made everyone feel at ease again, he wasn’t used to having to cheer him up. But now wasn’t the time to say something silly, now was the time to do something comforting – but he was frozen. “It’s okay,” Hinata insisted, wiping his face with the back of his hand, “he would have really liked you,” he whispered after a moment, and Kageyama felt his throat close up a little bit.

“Are you sure?”

“He always said he wanted a king for his prince,”

“Yeah, but I’m not the king that someone would expect,”

“No,” Hinata muttered, “you’re better.” He smiled softly, his cheeks flushed and blotchy. He was adorable – utterly perfect. Kageyama bent down to press his lips against the boy’s forehead.  

 

Hinata lay on his stomach on his bed. Skyping Kenma in the evenings had become a routine now – he was a year older, and he lived in the city – he had access to all the things he needed to transition smoothly. He knew more than Hinata did, and he really needed that support there. His week of hell had ended now (thank god), but he was already anxiously counting down the days until next month.

Hinata sat back against his wall, his laptop on sat just in front of him. “Are your cramps gone now?” Kenma asked softly, his head down as he focused on his DS game. “Yeah…already anxious about next time, though,” Hinata admitted, snuggling inside the hoodie he was wearing (it was Kageyama’s. He’d left it when he came round and hadn’t asked for it back yet). “Yeah, I only had three but I can still remember the fear I had in the time between them,” Kenma admitted, and Hinata looked up,

“You’ve only had three?”

“Well I stopped like…eleven months ago? Whenever I started taking hormones,”

The smaller boy lunged forward, grabbing the laptop with a loud thud that resonated through the microphone, scaring Kenma on the other end. “You take hormones?! Seriously?!” The blond decided then was a good time to pause his game and give Hinata his full attention.

“Yeah…I started taking them nearly a year ago,”

“And that stops shark week?”

“…yeah,”

“How did you start taking them? Can I start taking hormones? What do hormones do exactly? Are they gunna change the way I think and stuff? Will I still be able to play volleyball the same way I do now?” he kept listing off the questions and Kenma kind of stopped listening, instead intent on answering the first question he’d been asked. “You need a referral from someone at a gender identity clinic,”

“How do I get one of those?”

“You need to go to a gender clinic and have regular appointments with a therapist there,”

Hinata’s shoulders slumped a bit, “that sounds hard,”

“It kind of is? The clinics are usually massively booked up so you could be waiting a long time for your first appointment,” he admitted. Hinata looked down,

“I don’t even think we have any gender clinics in the area,” he mumbled, more to himself then to Kenma.

“I have one fairly close to me, which is probably the closest one to you, too,” he said, thinking, “I don’t know, it could take a month or two for you to actually be seen,”

“I wanna go, though,” Hinata insisted, pulling his knees up close to him.

“Why don’t you talk to your mum about it? See if there’s some way you can organise to go?” Kenma suggested, trying to sound optimistic.

 

“So Shoyo is gunna come up here?” Kuroo asked after Kenma had done recounting the conversation. Kuroo may have been…somewhat full on, but he was actually very supportive surrounding Kenma’s transition. He went to him to any session he didn’t want to attend on his own, and he didn’t even flinch when he went into the technicalities of his transition. “Well, yeah…hopefully, anyway,” Kenma muttered, trying to not sound as excited as he was. He didn’t have friends he could talk to about this sort of stuff. Kuroo was always there, but as cliché as it sounded, there were some things Kuroo couldn’t understand. Things he wanted to talk to Hinata about. And he was happy for his friend, too. Things were going to get better for him, and he couldn’t wait to see that day come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am running out if ideas for this fanfiction, so if you have anything you want me to write in to the plot or an idea about where it should go you can comment bellow or send a message to my tumblr (anri-kun.tumblr.com) you'll be credited for the idea too, because I have some idea but not a lot to be honest.


	4. Chapter 4

After months of waiting, the weekend of Hinata’s first appointment had come. His mum had been busy with Natsu, and couldn’t make the appointment, but he was allowed to travel on his own, for the time being, anyway. Well, he could travel alone, but he didn’t trust himself to get off the train at the right stop, or to get on the right train to begin with. So he was bringing along a trusted travel companion: Kageyama.  “You brought me along to make sure we didn’t get lost, right?” The black haired boy asked, and Hinata nodded, linking his hand with his. “But why? We’re both idiots, remember? It would have been better to take Daichi or Suga – someone _responsible_ and _smart_ ,”

“It’s a little late for that now,” Hinata muttered, “now…to find our train,”

“Oh shit, wait, give me that timetable again,” Kageyama reached out his hand, making a grabbing motion. Hinata handed it over, “Shit! Hinata! That’s our train over there!”

“But the doors are closing?”

“Exactly! Grab your bag, we really can’t afford to miss this!” He yelled, grabbing his boyfriend’s wrist as he pulled him across the station. They barely made it in the train doors. “Jesus, it’ll be a miracle if we get to Tokyo without dying,” Hinata said, slumping down into a seat with a table. Kageyama sat opposite him,  

“What are we gunna do now?” The black haired boy asked, slumping his bag down onto the seat beside him. Hinata fiddled around in his bag, searching for something. He eventually, after displacing the majority of the items that were in his bag, produced a deck of cards. Kageyama quirked an eyebrow, “Seriously? You want us to amuse ourselves with a pack of cards?” he deadpanned. Hinata frowned at the cardboard box he held in his hands,

“I mean, I don’t really know how to play any games, so I guess you’re right,” he muttered, and Kageyama couldn’t help but sigh again.

 “Why did you bring them if you didn’t know how to play?”

“I was hopin’ you knew, or something.” The two of them stared at each other for a long time, before the taller boy shrugged his shoulders,

“Give them here, I’ll shuffle.”

 

“What the _fuck_?! This can’t be your first time playing this game!”

“It is! I swear to you, Kageyama, it is!”

“I’m calling bullshit on this whole entire thing, you’re a liar, Hinata Shoyo – a big, fat, fucking –“

“There is no need for you to be so rude! There are kids on this train, you piece of actual –“

“Oh and look, now who’s being the rude one? You’re rude _and_ a cheat, how attractive!”

“Well you’re attracted to me, so I must be doing something right!”

Kageyama opened and shut his mouth, but there was nothing he could say to that. He was attracted to Hinata. Very strongly attracted.  It was something of a miracle that he’d been able to communicate his feelings enough to get this relationship, but, if he was honest with himself, he didn’t understand how it could last. Hinata was improving himself rapidly, always moving on to bigger and better things, never content to stay at his comfort level. He was so out of Kageyama’s league it hurt. Through some sort of mishandled fate, the ball had landed on his side of the court, and somehow Hinata had become his boyfriend. He couldn’t keep this up, though. He felt like he was fighting against something much stronger than he was. Every time he tried to say “I love you” or “You’re really beautiful” or “I’m still in shock whenever you kiss me” it always turned into “Hinata you dumbass”, “what the heck are you doing”, or “shut up”.

The only thing he was really good at was the physical stuff. So when Hinata sat back in his seat, looking all smug and pleased with himself, all Kageyama could do was huff, and reach out to hold the ginger boy’s hand, squeezing it gently. They sat like that silently for a few minutes, Hinata grinning to himself, and Kageyama absently looking out of the window.

Then they reached one of the stops, about halfway to their destination, where the station was filled with people. “Uh oh,” Hinata muttered, looking out at all of the people.

“Why don’t you come sit on this seat with me and we give that side of the table to someone else getting on?” the black haired boy suggested, sliding his bag onto the floor underneath the table. The smaller boy just nodded, picking his bag up as he migrated over to Kageyama’s seat. Or rather, Kageyama’s lap. “Uh…Hinata?”

“Yeah, what?” the orange haired boy replied, putting all of their cards back into the box.

“Why are you sat on me?”

“I needed to put my bag on the seat next to me, so the only space is on your lap,”

“Bullshit,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around Hinata’s middle. They hadn’t done any of this before. Kissing, yes. They’d kissed a lot. When they were packing up after practice, walking home from school, alone in their bedrooms. They hadn’t gone further than that, though. Sitting on each other’s laps wasn’t really something Kageyama had considered before. Hinata was anxious about his own body and didn’t really feel comfortable letting his boyfriend handle him yet. This was a big step for him. “Hey, your thighs are really big,” the black haired boy commented, feeling Hinata’s legs beneath his hands.

“Is that a bad thing?” the smaller boy murmured, placing his hands over Kageyama’s.

“No…I just….your legs are more muscular then even mine are,”

“Of course,” he scoffed, “how do you  think I jump so high?”

“I dunno, I never really noticed until now,” he shrugged as a man rushed through the doors, sitting down in the seat opposite them.

“Is it a bad thing?” Hinata repeated slowly, as if he were scared to know the answer.

“No, no… I really like your legs,” he whispered back, the man across the table smiling softly at the two of them as they blushed.

 

Kenma and Kuroo met then down at the train station. Hinata stumbled slightly as he ran across the station, pulling the blond boy into a hug, “I missed you!” he cried. The other boy was shocked, waiting a moment or two before hugging Hinata back.

“I missed you too,” he replied softly. Kuroo shoved his hands in his pockets, shrugging.

“Do I not get a hug then?” he asked. Hinata pulled away, frowning slightly.

“Urgh I mean, to be honest…do you want one?” he questioned, an awkward pause filling the group. Kageyama clicked his tongue, putting his hand in his boyfriend’s hair. “Don’t be dumb, Hinata,” he murmured, indicating for Kenma to show them to the way back.

 

He lived in a fairly average house in a quiet street, and his parents had thankfully let the two of them stay at their house over the weekend. “Uh, you can…put your bags down in the living room for now, I suppose,” Kenma murmured, pulling his shoes off once they were in the hallway. They heard shuffling from one of the rooms, and they heard a small sigh from Kuroo as a man appeared from one of the doorways. “Oh, these are your friends?” he asked sternly, and Kenma nodded.

“This is Shoyo and Kageyama,” he introduced, and the man nodded.

“I hope the reason he’s here isn’t because you encouraged him, Kenma. I’d hate to think that you’re putting his family through the same stress you’re putting us under.” Kenma sucked in his lip, Kuroo’s shoulders went back, and everyone stayed silent. Surprisingly, Kageyama was the first to speak. “What do you mean?”

Kenma’s father turned to him, “Kenma’s a girl. And with all the stuff she’s doing to herself, what man is going to take her seriously enough to be her boyfriend?”

“Well Kuroo takes me seriously,” he muttered, just loud enough so his father could hear him.

“Kuroo isn’t exactly a respectable man,”

“I am _right_ _here_ , Mr. Kozume,” the black haired boy cut in.

“Oh really? I must have blocked you out again.”

Kuroo stammered for a moment or two, before deciding now was probably not the time to get into an argument. “All of you will be sleeping in the lounge, so you can put all your stuff in there for the time being,” Mr. Kozume said, finally addressing Hinata and Kageyama again before walking back into the room he’d come from.

The two older boy sighed. “I’m sorry. My mum’s a lot better than he is. He’s just…still getting used to this, I guess,” Kenma offered meekly. Kuroo put a hand delicately on his shoulder,

“don’t worry – he can’t possibly hate you two as much as he hates me,”

“I gathered,” Kageyama replied.

“You know, this is the first time I’ve actually been allowed to stay over and sleep in the same room as Kenma,” Kuroo added. “Usually he kicks me out at 11 O’clock and makes me sleep on the sofa. Seriously – he just walks into Kenma’s room – doesn’t even knock or anything – regardless of what you’re doing,”

“Yeah and that’s _why_ he hates you,” Kenma pointed out, showing the two younger boys into the living room.

 

The two Karasuno boys had never slept together before. Kenma and Kuroo were really naturals at lolling and lazing together – Kenma could react to whatever crazy position Kuroo threw himself into, and they could see by the soft light of his 3DS that he was perfectly content where he was. Kageyama and Hinata were a different story altogther. They started off spooning – Kageyama cradling Hinata close to his chest. But Hinata couldn’t handle that because he felt like his hands were pressed too close against his chest for his liking. So they switched positions, but Hinata also felt like Kageyama’s back was then pressing into his body too much, so they had to change again. They tried several more positions, before eventually lying on their backs, with only their hands together. “I’m really sorry I’m so difficult,” Hinata whispered. He really sounded close to tears.

“It’s okay,” the other boy muttered, rolling over to run his hands through Hinata’s hair, pulling it back from his forehead so he could press his lips to his skin softly. After a moment, he pulled away, letting go of his hair and rolling back to his position on his back. “You’re worth it.”

Hinata was the last person to go to sleep that night. All he could think about was what Kageyama had said. No one had ever told him he was worth it before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help me if you can I don't want this fanfiction to turn to half baked shit.


	5. Chapter 5

Hinata woke up before Kageyama did. They’d broken apart when sleeping, and his boyfriend now slept soundly, curled in on himself. He rolled over and saw Kuroo was sleeping in a disarray of pillows and blankets. He lay sprawled in his own perfectly cleared circle. Kenma wasn’t anywhere to be seen – his 3DS was sat in its charging dock, off. That was odd. Kenma wasn’t an early bird, so the fact that he was even conscious was a feat. Slowly, Hinata pulled himself out of the cocoon of blankets he’d wrapped himself in, and padded out of the living room. He wasn’t familiar with the layout of the Kozume house – Kenma had neglected to actually show them around, and he hadn’t needed the bathroom before now, so trying to actually find it was hell. He stood in the corridor for a moment, not sure which door to try. Reluctantly, he picked the door at the end, and pulled it open. He found himself being blinded for a moment or two from the bright lights of the kitchen, but when he eventually managed to open his eyes again, he saw Kenma. He was sat at the kitchen table, a small glass bottle on the table in front of him, and a syringe in his hand. Hinata felt his stomach drop. He felt like he walked in on something he really shouldn’t have. Kenma seemed to read the horror on his face, because he quickly mumbled, “its testosterone, not drugs,” and Hinata’s shoulders relaxed slightly.

“Oh, do you have to…inject that every day?” he asked curiously, and Kenma nodded, drawing some of the hormone into the syringe.

“Yeah, my mum used to help me, but now I can do it by myself,”

Hinata swallowed, “I’m surprised your dad lets you do this, I mean…” he trailed off, not sure how to word it without hurting Kenma.

“Well, he was actually okay with me getting hormones. He refused when I begged for blockers that would have stopped my breast development, and my periods. After I did hit puberty…things got really bad. I couldn’t cope with it – with being told I was a girl, and that I was becoming a woman. Things were getting out of hand fast, and in the end he actually agreed for my own wellbeing it was better for me to be on hormones, despite the fact he still calls me his daughter,” he explained, holding the syringe in his hand. He seemed to notice that Hinata was paling slightly. “Are you okay? With needles, I mean?”

“I can handle it,” the younger boy nodded.

He couldn’t. The moment the needle pierced the skin of Kenma’s thigh, he felt himself going faint, and he reached out for something to lean on before realising there wasn’t actually anything to keep him up. He dropped to the floor, and Kenma’s eyes widened. He froze mid-injection. “Shit,” he whispered under his breath, looking pitifully at the passed out first year. “Kuroo! Kageyama!”

Kuroo was the one who picked Hinata off the floor in the end, and carried him back to the living room. Kenma was still stuck in his place in the kitchen, finishing off his shot and making sure there was no bleeding. Kageyama pressed his hand gently to the side of Hinata’s face, “Are you okay? Hinata? Are you okay, babe?” The pet name slipped out of his mouth before he knew it. He’d never called him that before – it was only something he’d thought in his mind alone, and he hadn’t ever meant to call him that out loud. All he could think was thank God he was still out of it. Kuroo crouched next to him. “Hey Shoyo, how’re you doin’?” The ginger boy’s eyes fluttered open, his mouth moving slowly.

“We can’t hear you,” Kageyama murmured, and he felt his boyfriend grab his wrist tightly.

“I don’t want to have to inject testosterone, I can’t do it, I hate needles, I cried when we had to get inoculations, oh Jesus Christ I can’t do that, but I need hormones, I need it-“ The words were bubbling from his lips faster than he could keep up with them, and they could see the panic on his face.

Kuroo chuckled, “Calm down, okay Hinata? Calm down. Injections aren’t the only way you can take hormones, that’s just Kenma’s personal method. You can take them orally too, so don’t worry. You won’t have to deal with needles.” Hinata focussed his eyes weakly on Kuroo for a moment before relaxing. Kageyama leaned forward, pulling Hinata into a hug. The small boy clung to him, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. He sat up a little bit, pulling away so he could look Kageyama in the face. He ran his fingers over his lips, his cheeks, his forehead, smiling to himself. Kuroo sensed this was probably his time to leave, making a weak excuse he needed to check on Kenma.

Hinata smiled, resting his hands eventually on the back of Kageyama’s neck. “I love you,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against his boyfriend’s. “I love you so much.” He felt hands snaking around his waist pulling the two of them closer as his lips caught with Kageyama’s. Kissing was Hinata’s favourite part of their relationship. The little look the black haired boy gave him, the way his eyes dipped down, staring at his lips before they kissed. The feeling of his breath, warm against his lips. He loved the intimacy of it. They’d only kissed closed mouth  before, but something about that moment made Kageyama tentatively nip at Hinata’s bottom lip, testing. An anxious couple of seconds passed before Hinata parted his lips slightly. This wasn’t the first deep kiss Kageyama had envisioned – he hadn’t thought they’d properly make out for the first time in the lounge of Kenma’s home after Hinata had fainted. Yet it seemed so perfect within the moment. At the back of his mind though, there was a thought nagging at the back of his mind. Kuroo knew so much more about Hinata’s situation than he did. He was able to support Kenma like that, and it was clear that Hinata needed someone like that. He couldn’t give that support to him, and that really made him worry.

 

It was at breakfast that Mrs Kozume finally made her appearance. She looked a lot like her son, but with softer, warmer facial features and more of a cheery expression. “Morning boys,” she said sunnily after they all entered the kitchen again, the colour having returned to Hinata’s face. “Morning Mrs Kozume,” Kuroo smiled at the woman as he sat down at the table.

“I heard that you had a little bit of a moment when Kenma was doing his injection this morning, are you alright now, Hinata?” she asked as she put her hands on her son’s shoulders. Hinata flushed a little bit, nodding silently. “That’s good,” she muttered, pulling off the apron she was wearing. “Kenma, I’m going shopping and visiting your uncle today, so remember to lock the door when you all go out – and remember to walk the dog later,”

Kenma grumbled under his breath, “Why do I have to walk Zelda?”

“Because I’m not here and neither is your father,”

“But she hates me,” he argued, picking at the food on his plate. His mum raised her eyebrows, putting her hands on her hips,

“Do you ever _feed_ her when she’s hungry?”

“No – dog food smells gross,”

“That’s why she doesn’t like you then,” his mum shrugged,

“I’ll make sure he walks Zelda, don’t worry,” Kuroo said, and Mrs Kozume smiled, ruffling his hair,

“See, Kenma? Thank god your boyfriend is trustworthy,” she replied, leaving the kitchen to go up the stairs. All of the boys shared a mutual glance before laughing at the irony. Kageyama snorted, “You named your dog _Zelda_?”

Kenma nodded seriously, and Kuroo sighed, “She was a birthday present for him, so he got to name her. Even though _I_ look after her most of the time now,” he explained. Hinata had been quietly picking away at his breakfast, attempting to eat the majority of the food set out for them before the others realised what was going on. “Your mum and your dad are really different, aren’t they?” he asked, swinging his legs back and forth under the table. Kenma shrugged, “I guess so. They don’t really get along anymore, either. My dad’s looking for a new place to live right now, so…” he trailed off and things became awkward at the table. It was understandable – how could they function as a family when your husband is denying the gender of your child? Kuroo risked a side-glance at Kenma before clearing his throat, “What time is your appointment at the clinic?”

Hinata looked up, “Um…like twelve? I think?”

“Cool. I’ll go walk Zelda while you’re at your appointment,  Kenma can wait for you and he can just call us when you’re done and ready to go out and explore Tokyo some more,” he sat back in his seat, grabbing a piece of toast and the jam.

 

Hinata stood in Kenma’s bathroom, tugging at his t-shirt, scrutinising every aspect of his appearance. Was his binder working? Did his chest really look flat? Did he look masculine enough? Kenma sighed, looking up from his game. “You look _fine_. Are you ready to go?” he mumbled, and Hinata turned to look at him, his brow creased with worry.

“What happens if they don’t think I should take hormones?” he asked shakily. Kenma stood up,

“You’re a boy. You know that. You’re confident about that. The people at the clinic would rather give you hormones, because they know denying them can cause serious harm. You’ll be fine – two more sessions after this and you can start testosterone,” he said, distracting himself by brushing off his jeans.  Hinata’s lower lip quivered, “Can I have a hug? Before we go?” Kenma looked up, staring blankly at Hinata’s face. “Please?”

He nodded meekly, opening his arms, pulling the younger boy tighter to him. He felt like he should have said something, but all of the comforting words he could think of just died on his lips. Hinata clung to him like a koala, and he could feel the shaky rise and fall of his chest. He’d never had a friend who truly understood what it was like to live like him. He felt like he needed to protect Hinata, to make sure he didn’t have to go through as much of the stress as he had. “We should probably get going now,” he muttered quietly, pulling away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if there's mistakes in this.  
> I suffer from a chest condition, and am now back on a strong pain relief that makes me very very slow.  
> And to match with that I had two cosplays I needed to finish for a convention this Saturday. SO yes. Sorry this one is short and might be full of errors.


	6. Chapter 6

Kageyama ended up spending the morning with Kuroo. He didn’t know what to say – there were so many things he wanted to ask him, but he didn’t know how to phrase them. They ended up walking in silence, the only sound being Zelda’s happy little breaths as she sniffed at plants as they went passed. They ended up in a park, Kuroo letting the dog off her lead to play fetch.  “Wow,” Kageyama murmured, mostly to himself, “I didn’t think such green spaces even existed in Tokyo,” Kuroo barked out a laugh, throwing the ball as far as he could.

“You country guys are so weird. Do they seriously not teach you about towns and cities in school?” he chuckled, and Kageyama bit his lip. He could always feel a sort of judgement coming from the Nekoma boys – it wasn’t intentional, he knew that, but it always felt like they considered themselves more intelligent and civilised. He stood up a bit straighter, “Well yeah – but it’s different seeing it for real,” he argued, “anyway, I bet you’d all be surprised if you ever visited our village,”

“The only thing that could surprise me is if you had anything other than convenience stores and post offices within walking distance,” Kuroo shot back, getting down on his knees as Zelda ran back, her tail wagging. Kageyama couldn’t argue to that, so he just shrugged. Kuroo continued, “Well, we’ll see – Kenma’s been talking about going down for the summer and visiting you guys there,”

“Why? Our Wi-Fi connections and everything are spotty, at best,” Kageyama murmured, taking the ball off Kuroo to try his hand at throwing. “Why does Kenma want to go to your village? Honestly speaking?” Kuroo asked, putting his hands in his pockets. Kageyama nodded slightly, launching the ball into the air. “Having your parents’ divorce isn’t easy, you know?  And Kenma thinks it’s his fault – that his dad’s leaving –“

“But it isn’t-“

“I know, but that’s how he sees it. So getting away from them for a little while might make it easier on him, even for a little while,” Kuroo clapped his hands together, pulling the tennis ball out of Zelda’s jaws.

Kageyama swallowed, “how do you know so much? I mean um…you told Hinata that stuff this morning, about hormones and shit,” he trailed off, not really sure how to phrase it all. Kuroo quirked an eyebrow,

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because you made him so at ease…and I can’t do that, when he probably needs me the most and it feels like that’s something I really should be able to do,”

Kuroo rolled his shoulder, sighing, “You have your work cut out for you, man. I’ve known Kenma for years – I’ve known him since before he changed his name, so I’ve been with him through it all. All I did was listen to him tell me about things. He just talked at me, since he knew all of this stuff first hand, and he needed somewhere to vent, so I ended up adopting the terms and the information he used,” he explained, shrugging. Kageyama’s shoulders slumped, “oh,”

“But you still want to know, right?”

“Of course,”

Kuroo smirked, dropping to his knees to get the ball out of the dog’s mouth, running his hands down her sides, petting her carefully. “Why don’t you ask Hinata about this stuff?”

“I…I don’t want to bombard him with questions, things have been really difficult for him recently, with coming out to the team and his body developing. This isn’t really the kind of stuff he feels at ease just talking about yet, anyway, so I don’t know…I want to know all of this stuff before he decides to tell me, so he doesn’t have to explain,” Kuroo nodded,

“How did the team react to Hinata’s news, anyway?” he asked after a moment, as Zelda nuzzled in against his knee. Kageyama crouched down next to him, “Fine. No one really cares, to be honest. I mean we were all kind of shocked – but that’s because we didn’t have any idea,” Kuroo just nodded again silently. “Why? Are things not the same at Nekoma?”

“Oh no, things are fine now. Everyone understands too, so it’s fine,” Kageyama felt like there was a lot in that story that was being left out. He didn’t ask, though. “What do you want to know? I can’t tell you everything, but I can try,” Kageyama stood up, not really sure where to begin.

 

“Is that all?” Kuroo asked, clipping Zelda back onto her lead. Kageyama bit his lip.

“I guess,” he practically whispered. Kuroo frowned, his eyebrows creasing.

“What is it?”

“I just…its fine,” There was something more he was curious about. Between his own research and his conversation with Kuroo, most of his questions had been answered. But there was one, begging at the back of his mind. “What’s wrong?”

“What do I do when…we uh, when…I mean if…” Kageyama itched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking away. Kuroo seemed to have caught on, “are you asking about sex?” The blush on the boy’s face was enough to confirm his suspicions. He sighed, shaking his head a bit, “You’re too young to be thinking about that yet, kid, so don’t stress yourself out too much, but just talk to him. If you’re both ready for it, then he should be able to tell you his preferences, just like you’d do anyway,” he asked, burning the image of flustered Kageyama into his brain.

Kenma and Hinata were standing on the curb when Kuroo and Kageyama came back. Kenma was leaning heavily on the side of the wall, his 3DS held up close to his face. Hinata perked up immediately when he saw Kageyama, and he took off running across the street, pulling his arms out to hug his boyfriend. “So how was it?” Kageyama asked, dragging his fingers through Hinata’s hair, trying to see if he could get any of the tangles out. “Okay – they just asked about volleyball and you and stuff,”

“No, that’s all you’d talk about. They ask you about your hobbies and you _chose_ to lecture them on volleyball and Kageyama for pretty much the entire two hours,” Kenma pointed out, walking up to them, his face still down, eyes on the screen. Kuroo pulled an arm around his shoulders, kissing him on the cheek, muttering something in his ear. Kuroo looked up at the first year boys, smirking. “You guys hug weird,” he pointed out, and the two of them looked up, Hinata’s chin resting on Kageyama’s shoulder, his heels just off the floor. “In what way?” he asked.

“Well like, if me and Kenma hug, cuz I’m the bigger guy, my arms go around his waist, and his arms go around my neck, but you guys do it the opposite,” he pointed out, pulling the 3DS out of Kenma’s hand so he could demonstrate his point.

Hinata nodded, “Yeah, but… I don’t know, I find that really awkward. It’s really hard to reach around his neck, and it feels awkward because his elbows dig in, so we hug like this,” he explained, tightening his grip on Kageyama’s waist. “And this way I don’t have to stretch up and he doesn’t have to reach down.” Kuroo and Kenma looked at each other momentarily, before trying it out their way. They both made small sounds of agreement, “I see what you mean,” Kuroo murmured, and Kenma nodded against his chest,

“I like this better.” The two couples stayed that way for a moment, before Kageyama spoke up,

“Do you think we should actually go get lunch or something – instead of just standing here?”

 

They ended up back at Kenma’s home. They hadn’t found somewhere where they’d all wanted to eat, so they just wandered back.  Kenma dumped his bag by the door, ignoring the other boys as he shuffled into the kitchen. Hinata followed him curiously, dragging Kageyama by the hand behind him. Kenma was crouched over, padding through the open cupboards. “What’re you looking for?” Kuroo asked, opening another cupboard, trying to help. “Pancake stuff,” Kenma answered. Kageyama groaned, and the blond shot him a look. Kenma might have fumbled with words, but his face was very expressive, and Kageyama knew immediately that the look he had just received was telling him to fuck off. Kuroo shook his head, pulling out a bag from the cupboard. “Honestly, Kenma is willing to feed you - this doesn’t normally happen, so just be thankful he’s making something at all,” he added. Kenma set to work quickly, pouring ingredients in, sending Kuroo off to get him whisks and knives whenever he needed a new utensil.

Hinata made a little humming sound, and Kageyama turned to look at him. “I just realised I’m the only one in here who’s name doesn’t begin with a K,” he huffed, more to himself than his boyfriend. Kageyama couldn’t help it when his mouth curled up into a smile, and he let out a small chuckle at the remark. He ran his hand across Hinata’s cheek, and through some of his hair. He sat in the stool at Kenma’s kitchen surface, his feet dangling a few centimetres off the floor, tapping out a rhythm known only to him on the metal bars of the seat.  God, he was perfect. Hinata furrowed his brows for a minute, before breaking out into a laugh too – although his laugh had more to do with seeing Kageyama smiling - curling up on himself a bit, his head leaning to the side before eventually settling on Kageyama’s chest. The black haired boy pulled his arms around his boyfriend, pressing kisses on his cheeks, temples and neck, the other boy laughing at the ticklish sensation.

“Oh my god stop,” Kuroo called out, interrupting their moment. He was stood behind Kenma as the smaller boy was pouring the first of the pancake batter into the pan, his arms around his waist.  “Why do you have to be so fucking couple-y?” he asked. Hinata frowned,

“But…you and Kenma are…”

“Me and Kenma are a seasoned couple, so our interactions have become more casual over the years, isn’t that right, sweetie?”

“Pass me the spatula,”

“See?” Kuroo said, reaching over to the counter.

 

After lunch, it was time for Kageyama and Hinata to pack up their stuff, and head back to the train station. The two of them sticking close to one another, their shoulders bumping (or in Hinata’s case, his shoulder bumping Kageyama’s arm) as they walked. “What did you and Kuroo do when me and Kenma were gone?” he asked, and Kageyama stiffened up a bit.

“Walked the dog and stuff, nothing worth detailing,” he dismissed, pulling Hinata’s hand out of his pocket so he could hold it.

“What did you do that for?! Now my hand’s cold!”

“It should be warmed by my hand though?”

“Your hands are too cold – like you’re dead, or something,”

“Well then let your hand warm mine,”

“But _my_ hand is gunna get cold,”

“Hinata, please, it’s summer, it’s not even cold. Hurry up, the train’s gunna leave if we don’t get there faster,”

“I’ll race you,”

“Oh it’s on.”

They got there faster than they would have done otherwise, but the two of them could hardly breathe after their race. Kuroo and Kenma followed a few minutes later, shaking their heads at the younger two. “Are you two ever going to grow up?” Kuroo asked, checking his phone idly.

“I don’t…get what’s so…childish about finding out I’m…faster than him,” Hinata panted, and Kageyama slapped him on the back of his head. “You were faster than me because you had better shoes on! Shut up!” he argued, setting the two off on another round. Kenma smiled slightly, watching the two of them bicker.

 

Kenma’s dad left two weeks later. He was sat in the lounge doing homework, music blaring when he heard the front door open. Curious about what could possibly be going on at eight O’clock in the evening, he pulled his headphones down. He could hear his parents’ hushed tones in the hallway, their words carrying into the living room. “So this is it? You’re leaving now,” his mother said, her tone clipped.

“I don’t _want_ to leave,” his dad snapped back, “we just…don’t agree on things anymore,”

“Like Kenma?”

“…like Kenma.”

He sucked in a breath, his hands clasping around the side of the laptop. “I don’t understand how you can do this. He is your _son_ , and you’re leaving him,” his mum hissed back at him.

“ _She_ is my daughter! Nothing will change that! I don’t agree with what you’re letting her get away with, or what you’re letting her do to herself. She’s going to regret it, and until we can agree on that, I can’t be here,”

“Well good, because I don’t want you to be around him, you’re going to make everything worse for him,”

“ _You’re_ making things worse for her!” he said, his tone rising. There was a silence in the house, and Kenma sat in the dark of the living room, his chest rising and falling quickly, trying to stop himself from making a noise. He heard his mother sigh, “Get out,” she snapped, and he heard the front door slam.

The house felt different as soon as the door was shut. His life until now had ended. His dad had been in his life for the past sixteen years. Facing the rest of his life with only his mum now was terrifying. Was his dad ever coming back? Maybe he would realise he was wrong about Kenma, and he was going to come back and they could be a family again. If it wasn’t for Kenma, his dad would still be here.

“Kenma?” he heard his mother call shakily. He breathed out slowly, calming himself,

“Yeah?” he replied. His mum stood in the doorway, her hand over her mouth.

“You okay, sweetie?” she asked, her voice quiet. He nodded silently,

“Can Kuroo come round?”

 “If it’s okay with his parents…then sure, he can stay, but you know the rules, though,” she added. “I’m gunna…head to bed now, night,” It felt weird. They were both aware of the conversation they would eventually be forced to have – about what on earth they were going to do next, but they were both avoiding it for the time being. For now, they were pretending that nothing had changed.

“Goodnight.” As soon as she was gone he pulled his phone out, sending a message to Kuroo.

They were neighbours, so it didn’t even take him five minutes to show up. Kenma let him in silently, showing him up to his bedroom. Kuroo sat down on the bed, “is something wrong?” he asked as Kenma shut the door and made his way over to his boyfriend. He knelt over Kuroo, before sitting himself in his lap, resting his head in the crook of his neck. “Dad,” was all he said, but Kuroo understood.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he offered.

“No.”

Kuroo leaned back on the wall, putting his arms around Kenma, brushing his hand through his hair. It was then that he heard the low whimper that Kenma made, and he could feel his shoulders shaking, his shirt growing damp. He knew there was nothing he could say that would change anything, so he just held tight to Kenma, comforting him as he cried. A few minutes later, the door was nudged open and Zelda made her way in, jumping up on the bed and circling once or twice before settling down, her head resting on Kuroo’s lap, offering warmth. Kenma continued to cry until he fell asleep an hour later, his arms clinging around Kuroo’s neck, his breath finally falling in an even rhythm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is this going  
> nobody knows


	7. Chapter 7

Hinata’s mum knocked on his door, before entering, “come on, Hinata, you need to get washed and dressed,” she called. He moaned, pulling the covers up over his head.

“I don’t wanna. It’s Saturday, mum, I don’t have to,”

“Well, unfortunately, things are happening today. Your aunt will be here in half an hour,”

He stuck his head out of the covers, staring groggily at his mum. “Which one?”  Hinata’s family was by no means a small family. His mother was one of ten – one of the seven daughters his grandparents had been ‘blessed’ with. Hinata’s mother was also lacking behind her siblings, with only two children. The rest of them had three at a minimum and six at the most. Some of his cousins already had babies of their own. Honestly, new people showed up each time to the family reunions, and he wasn’t entirely sure who he was actually related to anymore. “Aunt Ritsuko,”

He moaned again, flopping back. “I know, Shoyo, I know, but you have to go,”

“What husband is she on again?”

His aunt Ritsuko was known for being a bit of a goer. His mum sighed disapprovingly. “Don’t say that to her, okay?”

“Yeah, but is she still on the same one as last time?”

“I think so?”

He raised his eyebrows, “Jeez, that’s an improvement,”

“Don’t be rude about your aunt. But seriously, just come and get breakfast.”

 

His aunt decided to show up early. He was sat on the sofa next to Natsu, the two of them in their pyjamas, munching sleepily at toast, their hair messier than usual. Since it had been his father’s side that gave them their red hair, they always stood out when compared to their maternal family’s brown and black hair. Their aunt had brown hair, just like their mum, straight and neat, unlike their unruly curls. Sometimes Hinata wondered if they really were related at all to that side of the family. “Natsu, Sho, so nice to see you two again,” she cheered, walking into their living room.

His aunt had had…a definite reaction to her sister telling her Hinata was a boy. She’d taken to calling him Sho, and he had a feeling that was simply because it meant that no one could tell whether she was calling him by his name or  his birth name. “Morning Aunt Ritsuko,” the two kids mumbled back. There was an awkward silence, and then their aunt nodded again. “The family’s getting together again today, didn’t your mum tell you?”

“No?” Hinata asked, shoving another piece of toast in his mouth.

“Shoyo, I told you yesterday – before practice,”

He looked up, “Oh? I was running late, sorry, I didn’t really listen,”  

His mum sighed, but smiled, “well, go get ready anyway, and we’ll leave,”

Natsu jumped off the sofa immediately, pattering down the hallway and up the stairs to her own room. Hinata was about to get up to follow her, when his aunt put her hand on his shoulder. “I actually picked something out specifically for you,”

He felt his stomach drop before she even pulled it out. He shook his head, “no…I want to wear some of my own stuff,” he mumbled, his hands curling into fists on his shirt, pulling it down.

“Oh come on Sho, I already bought it in your size and everything,”

He looked at the dress she was holding in her hand and shook his head a little more violently, “No…I don’t want…I have my own clothes…” he stammered, not able to make a full comprehensive thought. “Mum?” he called out. She usually protected him from stuff like this. But today she just looked tired. She’d been ill recently, and on top of dealing with Natsu and work and him, she was stretched thin. “Shoyo,” she said firmly, “it’s just for a few hours okay?”

 

He felt humiliated. There was nothing right with how he felt in that dress. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror. He didn’t know how he was supposed to cope with having to wear it all day. He could kick up a fuss now, and just not go, but his mum was stressed enough. She didn’t deserve that. He breathed out. It was only a dress. He could manage. He grabbed his club jacket and a pair of shoes and exited his room. His aunt smiled, cupping her hand to her mouth, “Oh you’re such a beautiful lady in that dress, Sho. But I don’t think those shoes go with the outfit,”

Hinata looked at his mother, and she looked past him. He was on his own now. He couldn’t say no. The pumps his aunt had picked out were uncomfortable, and he had to curl his toes to keep them on his feet. “Now, how about swapping your volleyball jacket for a cardega-“

“No. Let’s just go,” he snapped, pulling his jacket closer around himself, storming out to the car.

The day just got worse. He couldn’t talk to anyone. He avoided his female family members at all costs, not wanting to hear them say anything about the “pretty dress” he was wearing. He avoided his male family members, because he didn’t feel like he could be on the same ground as them now. He wanted out. Now. He couldn’t stand it anymore, and he quickly got out of his chair walking towards his mum. She was busy talking to his uncle. “Mum,” he said quietly, tugging at her dress.

“Not now, Shoyo,” she dismissed, and he looked down, feeling his stomach drop.

“I wanna go home,” he murmured. She didn’t hear him, but that was enough for him. He let go of her dress, wrapping his jacket closer around himself, and he started pacing across the park, straight for a trail through the trees.

 

He didn’t know how long he had been walking, but the sun was beginning to go down, and his feet hurt from curling his toes to keep the shoes on. He was frustrated. He didn’t know where he was. He let out a little cry, ripping the shoes off his feet, throwing them across the road. He stomped on. The air was getting cold. He hadn’t seen a house or a person in hours. As he was walking, he felt the patter of rain hit his shoulders. Just one or two drips, and then it became heavier. He swore under his breath, pulling his phone out, his fingers becoming numb from the cold rain. He shakily looked for Kageyama’s number, calling. It rung a few times, but he didn’t pick up. “C’mon, c’mon, Tobio…” he whispered to himself, shivering. The rain was falling heavily now – so heavy it was painful. In the end, it clicked on to voicemail. He cursed, trying to find his mother’s number – but the rain was too heavy, his fingers were wet, and he couldn’t get his phone to work. He was alone. The light was fading fast, and he couldn’t see a few metres ahead of him from the mist and rain. He was cold, and he was scared. His feet were so numb it was difficult to walk properly. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He tried reaching for one of the trees, but the grass was so slippy now, he tripped, falling. “Fuck…fuck…” he murmured. This was bad. He tried standing up again, the rain beating at his back. He used the tree to pull himself back up. There was a sharp drop off from the path right next to him. He was trying to get away from the edge, back onto the path, but there was a big gust of wind, and he put his hands up, trying to protect himself. He slipped in the mud again, hitting the floor with a wet thud, hitting his head as he slid over the edge.

 

Kageyama was lying on his bed, tapping at his laptop, the rain outside him distracting him from his work. He heard the home phone ringing, and he shrugged it off, trying to focus himself. It was impossible, between the rain, and the sound of his mother’s phone call, he couldn’t concentrate. He had to find something else to do. He heard a knock at the door. “Come in,” he called, closing his laptop down. His mum held the phone up to his ear, “Tobio, have you heard from your friend Hinata today?” she asked. He shook his head.

“I don’t think so – let me check my phone…” he said, walking over to where he’d hung up his school bag. “Actually – I have a voicemail from him,” he added.

“What does he say?” his mum asked, explaining the situation to the person on the other end of the phone.

The voicemail was fuzzy – it just sounded like white noise, like static. He heard Hinata’s voice briefly, “fuck…fuck…” but other than that, just that fuzzy sound. Then he heard a thud – like the phone dropping, and he heard Hinata moan, and that was it. “Um…it doesn’t really say anything.  It’s just…static?” he murmured. His mum nodded. “Why? What’s going on?”

His mother bit her lip anxiously, “Hinata didn’t come home. He said he was going to walk home, but his mum just came back from a family event, and he wasn’t there.”

Kageyama went cold. “Is she going to search for him?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll call the volleyball team,” he said quickly, scrambling for his phone.

 

They all met up at Hinata’s house. The rest of his family had shown up, flashlights in hand. Rain was still pouring down, and it was dark now. Kageyama sat in the living room completely silent. The rest of the team were sat down around him. “The others are going to head out soon,” Daichi said.

“Do we have enough people?” Kageyama asked.

“Everyone’s families  are here, too. It’s practically half the town. We’ll find him in no time,” Tanaka replied, trying to put Kageyama’s mind at ease, though it was clear that he was worried. “This is my fault. I should have picked up my fucking phone,” he moaned.

“Kageyama, this isn’t your fault, he left by himself and he-“ Kiyoko started, but she was cut off.

They heard crashing coming from the kitchen. The team stood up immediately, racing into the doorway. They saw Hinata’s aunt cowering and two men holding his mother back. “This is _your_ fault! You made him wear a fucking dress! He’s a boy! He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this! He is my son – why can’t you accept that?!” she was screaming, and suddenly they understood how serious the situation really was.

Kageyama felt dizzy. He shakily made his way back to the living room. “Hey, hey,” Suga said, touching him gently, getting him back into a seat. “I can’t breathe,” he said, and Suga’s eyes widened a little bit.

“Okay, Kageyama – I need you to calm down,”

“They made him dress like a girl. He can’t…that’s not… what if he hurt himself?” he gasped. “He can’t manage with that, how is he supposed to…”

“He wouldn’t do that to himself,” Suga said softly, rubbing his back. “That’s not Hinata,”

“But. We have no idea how much stress that would put him under, he just…”

“That’s _not_ Hinata.” Tsukishima said firmly, surprising everyone. “Honestly, you call yourself his boyfriend, but you don’t even know that much about him. Listen to me, Kageyama. Has he ever expressed a wish to hurt himself?”

“No…”

“Has he ever hurt himself before?”

“No,”

“Hinata is under a lot of pressure, and we all know we have no idea what that feels like. But just because this is happening does not mean he’s going to hurt himself. Get that through your head,” he said, crouching next to Kageyama. The black haired boy nodded slowly. “I think you should stay here,” Tsukishima added. Kageyama was about to speak up when the boy cut him off. “You can’t think, you’re too anxious. You and Yachi will stay here, look Hinata’s little sister. We’ll keep you updated,” he said firmly. It was amazing that he could keep his head in times like these. After a few moments of staring blankly, Kageyama nodded. “Okay.”

 

The whole team was out, searching, feebly holding their umbrellas and flashlights in their cold hands. They’d taken to the woods, calling his name out. The neighbourhood association team – along with Ukai, Saeko and Akiteru, had taken a similar route. They could hear their voices calling out in the darkness. “You can see why he got lost – it’s so dark and slippy here,” Daichi murmured.

“He must be getting cold. How long do you think he could last in this rain?” Noya asked quietly. Everyone was insistent that he would be okay, yet at the same time, they all had the same nagging thought at the back of their minds.

What if they were too late?

What if he _had_ done something?

 “Hey guys! We found something!” Saeko called, and all of them turned, scrambling across the main path to where they were. Akiteru was holding up two muddied pumps. “Are they his?”

“I don’t know. But he can’t have walked far without them in this rain,” Tanaka said, looking around. “Has anyone found his phone yet?”

“No, his mum said he won’t pick up,” Ennoshita replied,

“Yeah but…if he lost it recently, it might point us in the right direction at least?” Noya cut in.

“I’ll call him,” Yamaguchi suggested, pulling his phone out and holding it to his ear. It was a tense few seconds, before they heard, quietly but surely, a phone ringing. They all sucked in their breath, and it was Noya who quickly abandoned his umbrella, running up the path towards the sound. Everyone else hastily followed. “Oh shit,” Noya cried out.

“You okay?” Kiyoko called,

“Yeah, I just…the path just drops off here I wasn’t expecting that,” he was lying on his side, now completely covered with mud on his right side from his fall. “We found his phone, though,” he picked it up; it was soaked and covered in mud. It was a miracle it was still ringing, after being so waterlogged. “Still doesn’t tell us where Hinata _is_ , though,” Daichi grumbled, helping Noya up.

“Wait a sec,” Tsukishima said. “Shine your lights down the cliff.” The rest of the team frowned, confused by his sudden request, but obliged.

They found Hinata lying at the bottom of the drop, on his side, his arm pulled out over his face. He was completely still. The white material of the dress he wore was stained with mud and…what looked like blood. His jacket was ripped and torn, and his legs were turning blue from the cold. His left leg lay at an odd angle, bloody and covered in dirt. “Akiteru,” Tsukishima called, “call an ambulance _now_ , it’s an emergency,”

His older brother quickly dialled the number, not even needing to look down to know what had happened. “We need to get someone down there to help him,” Suga said eventually.

“We don’t even know what’s wrong with him,” Ennoshita ran a hand through his hair.

“Which is why we need to get down there and help him!” The older boy argued.

“So who’s going down?” Asahi asked, and they all looked at the steep drop, and their friend at the bottom.

“I’ll go,” Tsukishima said eventually, handing his umbrella to Yamaguchi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for making it kinda depressing for a chapter?  
> idk this story goes wherever my mood goes  
> it'll get better in the next chapter  
> still no idea how to end this story


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this work might go on hiatus.  
> I have no idea where the story is going, plus I have personal issues. I have never had a story get popular this fast, I know its not a lot of readers to other people, but to me, this is a lot to get on an eight chapter fanfiction. I don't know where I'm going with this, and I know the quality is only going to slip.  
> Not to mention that writing about trans issues is difficult anyway. I'm trying to give the most accurate view of these issues as I can, using my own personal experience, but I can't know everything. I need time to look into everything and make sure I'm giving people the best presentation I can.  
> Also, I have my own transition to worry about. This was supposed to be venting for me. But instead, because I want to keep it positive, I have to write about Hinata's and Kenma's moving forward. Writing about other boys getting what I want but can't have is taking a toll on me.  
> I am not in a good place at the minute and I don't trust myself to put out the best work that these issues deserve, so I'm going to refrain from writing this until I can. I'm really sorry to anyone who is enjoying the story, but I need my own space and my own time.

The first thing he noticed was the pounding in his head. He opened his eyes and saw white. Bright white light that burned his eyes. He shut his eyes again, whimpering in pain. He tried bringing his hand up to block the light, but he felt a pulling pain on his hand. He looked down, his eyes opening weakly, and saw a cannula taped into his hand. “What the…” he couldn’t remember what happened at first. And then it came back to him in drips. He could remember slipping, his head hitting the rocks, his skin being scraped off, cuts opening.  Everything burned when he hit the floor. He couldn’t move. After that he remembered waking up. He was confused. He felt someone holding him close to their body, giving him their coat, keeping him warm. He was so scared, he kept trying to say things, but the words died in his lips, just leaving his mouth in grunts and groans.

“Shoyo?” he looked to his right and saw his mother sat in the chair next to his bed. She was in the same clothes she’d been in at the party yesterday. “Mum…?” he asked, not trusting his eyes, his voice croaking and cracking. She burst out in floods of tears, reaching for his hand. “You’re okay, thank god,” she gasped. He looked up, his brain clearly from the grogginess. He could see Natsu curled up in the bed opposite him. “What happened?” he asked, still not clear on the events that had actually taken place.

“You fell, sweetie. You’ve got a fractured rib, cuts everywhere, and a broken foot. They wanna keep you in for today, see how everything goes, but you’re safe now.” She squeezed his hand again, pressing her lips in a firm line. “It’s my fault this happened. I…I should have said something, I should have made sure you were okay, I don’t know why I didn’t…”

Hinata suddenly remembered what it was exactly that had caused him to run and fall. He squeezed a hand on the covers, carefully looking down, praying to not see that dress. He didn’t. He was in his pyjamas, and those memories of that dress almost seemed like a bad dream. He wanted to tell his mum it was okay, but it wasn’t. That dress ruined him. He couldn’t describe how it made him feel. The shame he felt. It wasn’t okay – she was his mother, she was supposed to protect him from that. “I never ever want to wear a dress again,” he whimpered. She nodded,

“I can promise you right now Shoyo, you will never have to do that again in your life,” she said firmly. There was a silence in the room. Between the pain relief he was on, and the exhaustion, he felt numb. “Your volleyball team is outside,” his mum said. Hinata looked up,

“What?”

His mum chuckled, “they’re sleeping on the chairs in the waiting room. I told them all to go home, but they all seemed insistent on staying, regardless of what their parents thought. I have a picture, see?” she handed him her phone, and he couldn’t help smiling at the picture on the screen. Asahi was cradling Noya in his lap, Tsukishima was sat in one of the seats, and Yamaguchi was using his legs as a pillow. Ennoshita, Tanaka, and the other second years had dogpiled on a floor. Kiyoko and Yachi were together in a corner, and Daichi had his arm around Suga, Kageyama using their laps as pillows. All of them were fast asleep. He chuckled. “Are they still out there?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, of course. Do you want me to wake them up?” his mother asked. He shrugged.

“What time is it?”

“7:30 in the morning,”

Hinata grumbled. “It’s so early,” he sighed.

“The nurses will be by with your breakfast soon anyway, so they’re going to wake up anyway, I’ll go get them.” She said firmly, and Hinata nodded. She walked off, before stopping near the doorway. “Shoyo, I…I have to ask, I’m sorry,”

“Ask what?” he asked, his head aching.

“You did slip off the cliff, didn’t you?”

“…what?”

“You didn’t...jump? Or step off? It was an accident, right? Or, well… was it an accident?”

He paused, confused before realising exactly what his mother was implying. “Of course! It was an accident, I swear!” he cried. She nodded, smiling gently. She seemed to be relieved. He relaxed, dropping his head back onto his pillow. He was exhausted already.  It was mere minutes before he heard the clattering of feet on the floor down the corridor.

Yamaguchi was the first into the room. He was practically running down the corridor, and he slid on the floor, his socks slipping on the tiles, before grabbing onto the doorframe and pulling himself into the room. “Hinata!” he cried, slowing himself down, but still speedily making his way towards the bed. He threw his arms around the smaller boy, hugging him gently, protectively. Hinata could feel him breathing on his shoulder, and he gently reached out his hand to hug his friend back. “Oh my _god_ I’m glad you’re okay,” Yamaguchi gasped, his voice spilling over with nervousness. He jumped, pulling out of the hug. “I mean – you are okay right?! I didn’t just hurt you or anything, did I?” he cried. Hinata smiled, sitting himself up properly in bed. The rest of the team had filed in, and were staring at him expectantly.

“I’m err… I’m feeling pretty rough, but I’m good. Apparently I have a fractured rib? And a broken foot, but I’m feeling alright right now,” he explained. Tanaka nodded,

“Well we kind of guessed you broke your foot. Your leg was at such a weird angle when we found you,”

“Plus your foot’s in a boot now,” Suga pointed out.

“What?” Hinata exclaimed, looking down at his legs. “This is ridiculous…first I wake up and I have tubes in my arm, and then I find out I broke my rib and now I have a fucking boot? What else happened?” he demanded, rubbing his face. Everyone looked between each other.

“Well um, you have a lot of scrapes and scratches,” Asahi pointed out.

“A couple needed stitching,” Yachi continued,

“And you have bruises, too,” Ennoshita added.

“Facial bruises that could rival the one I got when I face planted Tanaka’s shoulder,” Daichi finished the blow. Hinata’s mouth fell open.

“Mirror. Someone. Now.” Noya grabbed the mirror from the side of the bed, and handed it to him.

Well, it could have been worse. Sure, his lip was completely busted, and his eye had some massive purple ring and seemed to be bloodshot, and his cheek was swollen and…who was he kidding, it was pretty bad. He suddenly looked up self-consciously, “where’s Kageyama?” he squeaked. Suga sat on the edge of his bed,

“He’s hanging back, talking to your mum or something. He wants to see you alone,” he said, raising one eyebrow suggestively. Hinata brought his legs up close to his chest,

“Don’t do that! My face looks awful, this is the worst…” he moaned. Suga laughed,

“Hinata, it’ll take a lot more than face bruises to put that boy off you,” he muttered, brushing his hand gently through his hair, almost maternally. He sighed gently, “I am glad you’re alright, though. You worried us for a minute there,” he said quietly. It was quiet in the room for a second or two, and Hinata just looked down. “I didn’t mean to scare you…” he whispered back. “I don’t know why I did…it’s just, I’m…” he breathed out, putting his head in his hands.  “We know, you’re going through some shit. As long as you make sure to talk about it next time, and don’t just run,” Tsukishima muttered, his hands in his pockets.

“Ah – what Tsukki is trying to say is that…we don’t know how you’re feeling, really. No one here has been through the same things you have. But you can always talk to us and tell us how it feels. We can’t do much, but we’ll support you,” Yamaguchi translated, smiling. Hinata nodded.

“I know. I’m sorry. I won’t leave you guys like that again,”

“Well you can’t. I mean, you’re stuck in that boot for like, what, six weeks?” Tanaka pointed out, grinning.

“Hey, he could aggressively shuffle after us, I suppose?” Noya replied, laughing. Hinata rubbed his face, before looking at the cannula on the back of his hand again. “Anyway, can I get my coat back?” Tsukishima asked, reaching for something that was neatly folded on the bedside table. Hinata looked up as he unfolded the coat. The blond boy made a face, “Ew, your blood is all over it, I’m gunna have to get this washed,” he grumbled, putting the coat back on the table. Hinata furrowed his eyebrows,

“Wait, what? Why is my blood on there? I’m confused?”

“Tsukishima here is the one who helped you out until the ambulance crew arrived,” Daichi explained, slapping the boy hard on the shoulder. The boy. The person he could remember holding him. “Wait, that was you?” the ginger boy asked again.

“I’m afraid so,” Tsukishima said bluntly, putting his hands on his hips. There was silence in the room as Hinata curled up. He thought it was Kageyama there.

They heard a knocking at the door, and Hinata looked up to see his boyfriend. Suga patted Hinata’s head, “Well, we should go scrounge up some breakfast from the vending machines, leave you two lovebirds to it,” he dismissed. Across the room, Natsu woke up from the slumber.

“I’ll take her,” Yachi offered, hugging Hinata tightly, before taking the small girl out of the room. Yamaguchi hugged him again before leaving, almost affirming to himself that Hinata really was okay. Suga, Noya, Tanaka and Asahi all did the same, with Daichi just sticking with a hair ruffle. Kiyoko hung back. “I have your phone here,” she said, handing it back to him, “Kozume from Nekoma’s been trying to contact you a lot. We didn’t know what to say, so…we didn’t say anything. You should get back to him, he must be really worried,” she said, patting him on the shoulder, following the rest of the team out.

Kageyama hung back in the doorway for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows, scowling. “Are you gunna stay there forever?” Hinata asked, resting his arms on his knees. Kageyama shrugged sauntering forward.

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” he admitted, stopping as he stood over the bed. He seemed so much bigger than Hinata was in that moment.

“I’ve survived two of Yamaguchi’s boa-constrictor hugs, you won’t hurt me,” he dismissed, reaching out his hand to take Kageyama’s. The black haired boy looked at the tubes taped onto the top of his tiny hand. “This isn’t right. Seeing you hooked up to drips, and with that boot,” he mumbled.

Hinata shivered, “Trust me, I want this off me as soon as possible,” he agreed. Kageyama sat down on the bed, and reached out his hand carefully. It was like he was scared to hurt him now. He took Hinata’s bruised side in his hand, staring at his face carefully, studying. He sucked in his lower lip, his eyes travelling over everything. Hinata felt self-conscious. He knew his eye looked terrible, especially. “What would happen…if I kissed you with that busted up lip of yours?” Kageyama asked, his voice low. Hinata smiled,

“Let’s find out,” he whispered, leaning in. Kageyama smiled against the kiss, pulling him closer slightly, putting one hand in Hinata’s hair. After a moment, he pulled away, nuzzling his nose against Hinata’s, breathing out. Kageyama froze for a fraction of a second, before licking at Hinata’s bottom lip. The ginger boy was taken aback, before recovering and reaching his hand out to touch Kageyama’s face. He kissed back, open mouthed this time. His lip stung a bit, but that was nothing. He was kissing Kageyama openly, and that was good enough for him. Kageyama didn’t feel like open mouthed kissing a lot, whereas Hinata was always up for it, so any time Kageyama was agreeing to that was amazing. He pulled apart before long, though. They rested their foreheads together, Hinata feeling Kageyama’s breath on his lips. “I love you so much,” he whispered, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you, oh god I love you,” he kept murmuring, feverishly kissing him. He slowed to a stop, staring at Hinata. “I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up when you called,” he gasped, his lip almost quivering. “I should have done something…”

Hinata ran his hands down his boyfriend’s back, holding him. “No, no, no. Don’t you _dare_ beat yourself up about this, okay? Let’s get one thing straight: I slipped. It was an accident. I would have slipped had I called you or not. It was a dumb accident, okay? It’s not your fault, you hear me?” he said firmly. Kageyama nodded, leaning his head against Hinata’s shoulder. “How about we fix this up, make this easier,” Hinata suggested.

They shuffled around for a bit, Kageyama kicking off his shoes, like Yamaguchi had done, and climbing into bed with Hinata. He was still resting his head on his shoulder, leaning on him, but trying to avoid putting much pressure on his chest and ribs, the shorter boy running his hands through his hair gently, calmly. A nurse came in, smiling at the two boys, putting a tray of food down in front of Hinata. “Urgh, most of this stuff looks crap,” he murmured to himself, “do you want my milk?” Kageyama was taking it off the tray before the question had even finished. “Ugh, I suppose I should call Kenma soon. Tell him what happened,” he moaned, dreading the conversation to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a vague plan but not a lot of plan for this.  
> Kenma next chapterrrrrrr. Maybe Oikawa too. Gotta love tat bitch  
> also for anyone who cares, I actually jsut got MY referral through to go to a GIC to begin my transition.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol jk Kenma shows up properly next chapter

It was safe to say Kenma freaked out. Hinata was wincing as the phone rang, and he sucked in a breath when he heard the phone being picked up. “Shoyo…?” he mumbled sleepily. Hinata felt distinctively guilty, waking him up in the morning.

“Yeah, Kenma, it’s me,” he answered. Kageyama squeezed his hand, whispering “put it on speaker” softly to him. He did.

“Shoyo! I’ve been trying to get hold of you for ages! You weren’t picking up your phone, and when Kuroo called Daichi, he just said something had happened. What is it?” Kenma asked, and Hinata could tell he was pissed off.

“I ah, I’m calling you from the hospital,” was all he could choke out.

There was silence on the other end, and then they heard shuffling, and another, deeper voice. “Kenma…?” It was Kuroo. Hinata and Kageyama smirked knowingly at each other, “Is that Kuroo?” Kageyama asked,

“I thought your boyfriend wasn’t allowed to stay in your room? Are you breaking your mum’s rules?” Hinata added.

“Shoyo, I’m not going to address that right now. You’re in the _hospital_ and I-“

“Whoa, back up, Shrimpy’s in the hospital? Put this on speaker,” Kuroo cut in. “Yo, Hinata, what the heck did you do?”

There was silence on their end that time, Hinata looking at Kageyama for help. “I um, slipped?”

“You slipped?” Kenma echoed, the exhaustion clear in his voice. “You slipped? Why are you in the hospital, then?”

“It was a bad slip,” Hinata added, wincing again.

“…How bad?”

“Couple of broken bones, and my face is currently looking like some sort of science experiment gone wrong,”

“Broken bones? What did you slip on?”

“A cliff?”

Kenma huffed and sighed, falling back on the pillow, staring at the ceiling. His eyes scrunched up, his lower lip sticking out, pouting. “What…the fuck.” he eventually mumbled, and Kuroo bit his lip.

“Congratulations, you two, I think you just broke Kenma,” he explained.

Hinata groaned, “He’s judging me, isn’t he?”

“You just told him you _slipped_ off a fucking cliff, of course he’s judging you,” Kuroo agreed. Kenma sat up again,

“What did you break, anyway? Send me a picture of your face – I want to see what you did,”

“I don’t want you having a picture of my gross face on your phone,”

“You have a picture of my naked chest on your phone; I think it’s a fair exchange,”

Kageyama frowned at Hinata, expecting an answer. Hinata felt his cheeks flush, “I will in a minute…I just wanted to call you, so you knew I was alright. Kiyoko said you were trying to reach me most of the night,” he muttered.

Kenma sat up again, “Well, yeah. You usually always pick up. It wasn’t like you,” he replied, “When are you getting out of the hospital?” he asked.

“Later today, I’m hoping,”

“Are you sore?” Kenma pressed. It seemed to finally sink in that Hinata was hurt.

“A little bit, but I feel like it’ll get worse when I’m out. Because right now I am on morphine and that is making me…high as a god damn kite, Kenma,” he giggled.

“Right. Sorry. What did you break again?”

“A rib. And my foot.”

“Your _foot_? What are you gunna do about volleyball?”

Kageyama nearly laughed at the change on Hinata’s face. He went from calm to absolutely distraught in 0.5 seconds.  “I can…play,” he said meekly. Kageyama could almost hear Kuroo’s shit eating grin from the other side of the phone. “Nah, I don’t think you can, buddy. Hey…isn’t there physiotherapy after injuries like this?” Hinata’s hands clenched on the bedsheets, his lower lip sticking out.

“I do think his doctor said something about that…” Kageyama agreed.

“Right. That’s it. Bye bye Kenma and Kuroo. I’m going to sleep. Bye Kageyama,” Hinata snapped, picking his phone up.

“Whoa, hey-“

“But Shoyo-“

And then silence. He tossed his phone back on the side carelessly, and tugged up the blanket. “You too, c’mon. Scoot. Go home. I’m fine now, so go find the others and shoo,” he muttered as he pulled the blanket over his head. Kageyama smiled a bit, looking at the orange tuft at the top of the blanket. “You just slept pretty much straight from when Tsukishima found you, until now, are you seriously tired?”

“Clearly you don’t realise how taxing it is to spend time with you all,” 

“That was rude.”

Hinata just shrugged under the blanket. Kageyama leaned closer to him, putting his back flush with his, careful to try and put Hinata more at ease by putting his hand on the smaller boy’s hip. Hinata froze up a bit under the blanket. Kageyama leaned down, pressing his lips to Hinata’s back.  He kept doing this, moving up as he did so, until he got to the base of his neck. He finally pulled the blanket down, pressing his lips to his bare skin. Only then did Hinata shift in bed, turning to face him. “What are you doing?” he asked, frowning. Kageyama stared at him. Due to the sunny weather, Hinata’s skin had tanned, as well as some freckles splattering across his nose and cheekbones. Not as many as Yamaguchi had, but still an endearing amount. They were still visible on the right side of his face, even with the bruising and swelling. “Did I ever tell you I love you?” Kageyama murmured. Hinata blushed, pressing his lips together,

“Why are you doing this?” he asked quietly, sitting up. Kageyama shrugged, leaning over him.

“No reason,” he replied. He felt at ease with Hinata there. Yesterday had meant so much anxiety, so much stress, and having him here now, safe, was a relief. Last night…he couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. For mere hours, he was facing a very real possibility of a world without Hinata. And he felt so very alone at that prospect. He didn’t want to let him go. Not now, not ever. He realised that night just how terrified he really was to lose his lover.

They ended up with Kageyama hunched over, sat in Hinata’s lap. The orange haired boy’s hands on either side of his face, pulling him closer. Why could they never kiss like this in private? Was there some law forbidding them from ever being able to kiss deeply in private? Did they always have to be at someone’s house, or in a hospital? Kageyama sighed happily, his hands gently gripping Hinata’s shirt, pulling it up, slightly. He was expecting Hinata to push him away, to tell him to back off. But he didn’t. He laid his hands shakily on Hinata’s lower stomach, and the boy gasped, breaking off from the kiss. “Are you okay?” Kageyama whispered, pressing his forehead on his.

Hinata nodded slightly, “I’m fine. Your hands are just cold – are you dead or something?” he mumbled back, his voice on the edge of irritation. Kageyama smirked for a moment, before looking down at Hinata’s lips again. He felt the other boy’s fingers wind in the hair at the back of his necks, crashing their lips together again.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Him and Hinata were supposed to be rivals, or, at best, teammates.  Damn it, when did he start finding Hinata’s cheerful squawking endearing? When had he started thinking about Hinata’s muscular legs, chests and arms before he went to sleep? When was it, exactly?

Kageyama slowly began to move his hands upwards, sliding across the smooth skin of Hinata’s stomach. He could feel the fingers tightening in his hair, Hinata sighing. He wasn’t stopping him. Kageyama’s fingers were dragging across his skin, higher and higher, and Hinata was letting him. Did he trust him enough now? Hinata wasn’t wearing a binder today, his chest was bare. And Kageyama’s fingers were still climbing. He had to stop him at some point, surely? If he didn’t, Kageyama was going to eventually-

Hinata recoiled from his suddenly, eyes shut, his teeth gritted. Kageyama withdrew his hands, panicking, throwing them up in the air, away from Hinata. “Shit,” the smaller boy whispered, biting his lip.

“Hey, stop it,” Kageyama barked. He hadn’t meant to sound snappy, but he was concerned that Hinata was going to open one of the cuts on his lips again. His warning went in vain, though, and there was soon blood dripping down Hinata’s chin. The boy sat up again, his eyebrows furrowed, “what happened?” Kageyama asked, leaning over to grab the box of tissues from the side of the bed.

“I think I found out which rib is broken now,” he muttered, and Kageyama paused.

“I’m sorry, I should have thought about that,” he apologised, pulling a tissue out to dab at the blood on Hinata’s face.

“Not your fault…” the smaller boy replied, his eyes focussed on the wall in front of him. He seemed tired already. Kageyama didn’t know if he could survive the next six weeks bedrest.

A nurse came to call him to physiotherapy, and Kageyama and his mum escorted him down to the clinic. They’d organised for Natsu to spend the day with the Tsukishimas – a development Hinata was not exactly happy about, but Yamaguchi and Yachi quickly added that they were going to spend the day at his house, too, and that made him feel slightly better about the whole thing. Plus Akiteru would be there to make sure that his younger brother didn’t do anything nasty to his baby sister. Hinata was much too small for the wheelchair, and he was resting his chin on his hands as he sat, giving him the air of a grumpy six year old. His pyjamas consisted of a loose t-shirt and shorts. His feet were covered by a pair of big fluffy socks – the booted one had a sock stretched feebly over it. His bare arms and legs were on display, and it made Kageyama’s heart actually hurt looking at all the stitches, cuts and bruises he had. “Hey come on, look a little livelier, Shoyo!” his mother said, stroking his hair as they waited in the elevator. “I want to walk here. I can walk on my own. Being in a wheelchair really makes me feel like an idiot,”

“You _are_ an idiot. You cried and made me hold your hand when your nurse took the tubes out right now,” Kageyama pointed out. Hinata flushed,

“It _hurts_ , asshole! Honestly, I just fell off a cliff; you should have more sympathy for me,” he grumbled.

 

Hinata’s mum left them in the waiting room, Kageyama sat in one of the chairs, leaning over to rest his head on Hinata’s shoulder. He was still in the same clothes he’d been in the night before. “Fuck, I need sleep,” he muttered, Hinata started patting his head, playing with his hair between his fingers. “You should have gone home with everyone else, gotten rest,” Kageyama looked up at him, giving him his trademark are-you-fucking-stupid face.

“I can’t rest until I know you’re safe and out of the hospital – you could suddenly crash or something,”

“Well if you’re talking like that – I could crash and have an aneurysm at any time. We all could. You never know,”

Kageyama lifted his head off his shoulder, furrowing his eyebrows at him, “I take it back. You’re not a little ball of sunshine; you’re a fucking piece of shit,”

Hinata smiled, looking up, his face falling again. “Kageyama you need to take the breaks off the wheelchair and hide us in the toilets or something,” he hissed urgently,

“How come?”

“Grand king incoming,”

Kageyama risked one glance down the hall to see Oikawa stood speaking to his doctor as he exited one of the rooms. “Oh shit,” he whispered, leaping out of his seat, tapping the break with his foot, driving them both into the bathroom.

It took Hinata a few seconds before he swore, “No! We need to go somewhere else! I _always_ meet people in bathrooms, we need to leave!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes and went to push Hinata out, when the door opened.

Well, shit.

Oikawa stared at the both of them, his mouth forming an O, before he smiled. “Ah, what a coincidence seeing you two here!” he chirped, his eyes falling on Hinata. “Oh Jesus, what happened?”

Hinata groaned. He didn’t want to repeat this again.

“He fell over,” Kageyama answered for him. Oikawa raised an eyebrow, nodding,

“Jeez, must have been a pretty bad fall,” he agreed, he looked down at Hinata’s booted foot. Kageyama noticed that as Oikawa’s eyes moved down Hinata’s body, the smaller boy pressed his legs together, his arms crossing over his chest. The black haired boy leaned down, slowly putting his hand gently on his shoulder. “Gunna need physio therapy for that one, are you?” Oikawa asked.

“Yeah…” Hinata mumbled, looking down.

“Don’t worry about it – physio’s taxing, but really worth it in the long run. It’ll probably make your legs even stronger too – make your jumps better,” he added, putting his hands on his hips. His eyes flickered back up, and he saw Kageyama’s hand on Hinata’s shoulder, rubbing circles with his thumb. “Oh yeah…I remember hearing something about you two going out with each other,” he smiled, walking over to the mirrors to check his reflection. “Well, I suppose volleyball isn’t going to be an issue since you’re both on the same team… I wish you both the best of luck,” he said.

“I need to go see my doctor now,” Hinata told him, his voice low. Kageyama took the hint, pushing the wheelchair out of the bathroom. Once they were out of Oikawa’s view, Kageyama flicked Hinata on the shoulder, “fuck you and your freaking bathroom curse,” he murmured.

“It’s not like I _chose_ for this to happen! It happened first with you, so clearly you cursed me!” the orange haired boy hissed. Kageyama paused, remembering that first meeting. “Who would’ve thought we’d end up dating, after all that,”

“Yeah. If I’d known that you’d be making out with me not even a year later, I’d probably have been nicer to you,”

“Mhm. I do feel kinda bad about being a dick in the past to my first boyfriend now,” Kageyama agreed. Hinata turned back to look at him with a ridiculous shit eating grin. “I’m your first boyfriend?” he asked, and the taller boy felt his cheeks flush slightly.

“Well…yeah! Am I not yours?”

“I guess? I dated a boy for like a week in elementary school,”

“That doesn’t count, dumbass,”

“Well then…yeah…you’re my first boyfriend,” Hinata admitted.

“What happened? I mean, why did your elementary romance end?” Kageyama enquired.

“Eh? I changed my name to Shoyo and he said he didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore,” Hinata explained quietly.

“Kids breakup with each other for all sorts of dumb reasons, right? I had a girlfriend who broke up with me in school because I put glue in her hair,” Kageyama added. Hinata laughed at that, telling him that that was a legitimate reason, and he would kill him if he ever put glue in his hair, and it put him at ease – to see him laugh. Being sad just didn’t suit Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a couple haikyuu fanfictions i wanted to write, but idk which one to write next? One of them is a sort of ghost story thing (if you've read my attack on titan fic, you'll know I like those) about Kenma and Kuroo. And there's also a youtuber au mainly centered around Tsukishima/Yamaguchi, but has a lot with the other couples too.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma.  
> And the sex talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the downwards spiral of quality.

Hinata was sat in his back garden, his hands working through the grass beneath him. The sun was shining, and usually on days like this, he and Natsu would be doing something together. He’d be trying hopelessly to try and help her learn to set or spike, or they’d be racing each other in the park, or sometimes he’d just push her on the swings. Today, he was just watching her across the garden as she swung alone on the swing, and he was feeling unfamiliarly bitter. Kageyama had tried to help him feel better – he practically lived at the Hinata household. But Kageyama had his own family…and a family that didn’t know he was going out with a boy. So he was spending today alone. Yamaguchi had tried to offer time – but he had a large amount of family responsibilities, and any plan he tried to make was quickly squandered.

Hinata’s mother had gone out, so him and Natsu were alone with the rabbits in the garden. He had his own rabbit in his lap – a fluffy black, floppy eared animal whom he adored. She was five years old, and still the best birthday present he had ever gotten. Natsu’s bunny was flopping about in the grass, sniffing at things here and there. He heard the front door opening, and he picked up his rabbit in his lap, holding her close to his chest as he wandered back into the house.

“You can just put your stuff in the hallway for now – I’ll take it up to Shoyo’s room later,”

“Oh…okay, thank you,”

Hinata looked up as he shuffled into the hallway, his mouth falling open. “Kenma?”

His friend was stood in front of the doorway, his hair tied up in a ponytail, pillow in his hand as he set down his bag. “Hi Shoyo,” he murmured, putting his pillow down on top of his bag. Hinata’s mouth was gaping open. His mum laughed. “Are you surprised?”

“I, uh, I…Kenma’s in…you’re supposed to be in Tokyo,” he spluttered.

“Yeah, but, you got hurt, so my mum and your mum said it would be okay if I visited you,” Kenma explained quietly.

“I wanted to keep it a surprise for you, Shoyo – you’ve been so depressed I thought it would really cheer you up!”  His mum told him. Hinata kept staring at Kenma.

“I would run and hug you if I didn’t have a boot on or a broken rib or a rabbit,”

“Right. I was thinking about that,” Kenma said, looking at the little animal.

“Why don’t you go show Kenma Mochi’s brother?” His mum suggested. “I’ll take his stuff up to your room.” Hinata nodded, turning to hobble back out to the garden.

“Your rabbit is called Mochi…” Kenma said furrowing his eyebrows, and Hinata nodded,

“Her brother is called Taiyaki.”

“And yet Kageyama makes fun of my dog’s name.” Hinata didn’t decide to argue with Kenma on that front. He knew their names were a little bit ridiculous. As he opened the back door and stepped outside, he put Mochi back down on the grass, before turning around and squeezing Kenma. “I can’t believe you’re here!” he exclaimed, holding Kenma’s shoulders tightly. “How did you get here? Did you get lost? Me and Kageyama got lost a lot trying to get to Tokyo,”

“Well, um, Yaku’s taken to making these really easy to follow instructions and maps, because we always lose people when moving around Tokyo anyway, so he got information from your vice-captain, and he made me this stuff so I’d be able to get here,” he explained, pulling a few pieces of paper out of his pocket. Hinata looked through them in awe. “Whoa, can you ask him to make me maps of Tokyo when I visit?”

“I can copy one for you,” Kenma told him. That was when he felt a weight thump into him and clamp down on his legs. He jumped, moving away from Hinata. He looked down to see a small fluffy tuft of orange hair. “Natsu – you’re not allowed to cling to my friends! You did this with Kageyama, too!” Hinata cried, looking up apologetically. “Sorry she uh, she gets excited I guess,” he muttered.

“Just like you,” Kenma said quietly, putting his hands on Natsu’s arms, either to comfort her or to prize her off, he wasn’t exactly sure, but he was now prepared for either. “Are you volleyball?” she looked up, her chin digging into his hip.

“She means are you a volleyball friend,” Hinata translated, putting his hands on his sister’s shoulders, trying to pull her off.

“Um, yeah, I come from Nekoma,” he said.

“Nekoma? From Tokyo?”

“…Yeah,”

“Woow,” she said, stepping back a bit, “Why you here?”

“Because Shoyo got hurt,” he replied, stepping back a bit, trying to maintain his distance from her now that she was off him.

“Oh yeah, Kageyama’s been round loads cuz of that,” she sounded almost disappointed.

“Oh, okay,” he replied, looking at Hinata. He wasn’t good with children. His aunt ran a day care at her house, and during the summer, he’d been recruited to work there. He had no idea how to work with them, and to this day, he still had no idea. The children there kept attacking each other or pissing themselves - what was he supposed to learn from that? A week at Hinata’s house had originally seemed alright, a bit nerve wracking, but okay. He’d forgotten that people have little siblings. He was an only child – and Kuroo’s sister had already moved out. The fact that people could have more than one child slipped his mind sometimes. Hinata’s mother leaned out through the door, “Natsu, why don’t you come in and help me with some things?” she called. The girl nodded, and with one more smile at Kenma, she left.

Kenma let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, and Hinata grinned. “I felt the same when she was born and it never really goes away, you just get used to it,” he explained.

Kenma looked around the garden, Hinata putting his hands in his pockets as he watched him. “Not what you imagined?” he asked, and Kenma shook his head.

“You come from the country, I just assumed it would be farms and stuff,”

Hinata snorted, “Well, Nishinoya has chickens, but that’s about it really. We have some farms, but not many,” he explained. Kenma nodded, bending down at Taiyaki the rabbit hopped closer.

“Rabbits are cool though,” he said, tentatively patting him on the back.

 

Kenma helped set out the camp bed in Hinata’s room – it was quite a spacious area for the two of them when he thought about it, and it seemed like it would actually be okay staying in the house. He sat on the bed, digging through his backpack. “Did you bring games with you?” Hinata asked as he lay down on his bed. It was after dinner, and the boys were now relaxing in his room. “Only the portable stuff,” Kenma replied. That was still at least five gaming platforms, not including his phone. Hinata sat up again, looking over Kenma’s shoulder. “Can I…try to play something?” he asked. The blond boy furrowed his eyebrows, before picking up his pack of games, sorting through them.

“I guess…” he mumbled, trying to pick a game that would suit his friend.

“Shoyo you really shouldn’t have done that,”

“Why not? I mean Chrom seems like a reasonable unit who can stand by himself,”

“Yeah, okay, but you sent him ahead of everyone else,”

“And?”

“Well, Marth is stronger than him right now. Plus you have a couple other guards and you just stepped into their attack zone. You’re going to get three attacks now,”

“…And?”

“If Chrom dies your game is over,”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah. Try and get a support unit over to pair up with or something,”

“I already used them all,”

“Oh, well…good luck.”

“Gah! Chrom died! Now I have to restart _again_!” Hinata cried, flopping back onto the bed. Kenma pressed his lips together. He restarted a new game, and put it on the easiest mode he could for Hinata – the game even explained itself when he went along, and he was still losing. “Maybe…we should try something else,” he suggested. The ginger boy slowly handed Kenma back his 3DS. The older boy pulled his phone out, tapping on an app. “This one is really simple, okay? All you have to do, is tap in the circle when the ring reaches it. It’s just a rhythm game.” Hinata nodded, holding the phone tightly in his hand. He was actually decent at this game, which impressed Kenma. He would have allowed Hinata to continue playing, but that game had a limit on its use, and he didn’t want him using it all up, so he ended up downloading it onto Hinata’s phone as well, so he could play it on his own.

 

When it became dark, neither of them could sleep. The bed was unfamiliar to Kenma, the room, the sounds of the house. It was all so foreign to him. It was strange for Hinata too, he kept rolling over and forgetting Kenma was there and getting terrified by his figure lying in the bed next to him. There was that and…one other thought as well. “Kenma.” He finally said, giving up on sleeping.

“Mhm?”

“Have you and Kuroo…had sex yet?”

Kenma stiffened in his bed, before turning over, and looking at him. “Why’re you asking?”

“I just…am! I keep thinking about it, but I’m…it wouldn’t be the same, asking Daichi or someone,”

“I guess,” Kenma said, blushing.

“So, have you?” Hinata pressed, rolling onto his side to watch his friend.

Kenma looked away, before nodding slowly.

“What…what’s it like?”

“What is it with you guys being incapable of googling sex?”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not naming names, but Kuroo’s been asked for advice by _so_ many people, like he’s the guru of gay sex or something,”

“Is he not?”

Kenma rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay, Shoyo, I am officially at a level of exhausted which means I am just going to tell you everything, without filter. Are you capable of handling that?”

There was something ominous about that, but Hinata nodded anyway. “Go ahead.”

“There are different types of sex, alright? And between biological males, it’s usually anal. Which is what other guys are asking Kuroo for ideas on. But with me…it’s vaginal sex, and that’s completely different. So Kuroo’s bullshitting when he gives people advice. He has no clue what he’s talking about,”

Hinata rolled onto his back, too awkward to try and meet Kenma’s eye anymore. The older boy bit his lip, fretting about whether this conversation was a good idea or not. “And um, Kuroo’s actually straight. Regardless of how gay he comes across, he’s heterosexual,”

Hinata raised his eyebrows, “Seriously? But he’s dating you-“

“Everyone’s sexuality is on a spectrum. Some gay guys fall for girls, you know? It happens sometimes. He’s mostly attracted to women, but I’m the exception,” Kenma explained.

“So Kuroo’s just lying to the other guys on the team?”

“I don’t know. Kuroo seems like a chill person, but he panics and says some stuff he regrets and it snowballs. People see he has a boyfriend and just assume,”

There was a silence between the two of them; they both looked up at the ceiling, before Hinata spoke up again. “What’s sex like?”

Kenma bit his lip. “I don’t really know. I mean, for you and Kageyama I guess, Kageyama’s really going to have to know what he’s doing. Because you’ll be on the …you’ll be receiving. So you can sort of just lie there. But if he doesn’t know what he’s doing, you could have an issue.”

“Doesn’t it get boring for you? Just, lying there?” Hinata had meant that question seriously, and he was surprised to hear Kenma _laugh_. It was low and quiet, and only for a moment. But it was such an unfamiliar sound to him, it was shocking. “Don’t you dare tell Kuroo I said this… but sometimes my mind wanders? I admit sometimes I’ll be lying there and I’ll think ‘God…I’ve got homework to do for tomorrow, he needs to hurry up,’”

“You’re not really selling the whole idea of sex, you know,” Hinata chuckled, putting his hand to his mouth, trying to cover his laughter.

“No, it’s fun. It’s not bad when my mind wanders. It’s um, it’s hard to explain. You’ll understand, when you do it for yourself,”

“I don’t know if I actually want to,” Hinata admitted,

“What do you mean?” Kenma asked, leaning over.

“I don’t want to be… urgh, like, I don’t want to be submissive to him? That’s not what I want, but I have to…”

He heard Kenma sigh next to him. Long, low and quiet. “What?” Hinata asked, turning to look at the blond boy. He was shaking his head slowly, his eyes seemed heavy in the dark. “Shoyo. You can receive and still be on top during sex. I just…please don’t have sex for a long time okay. Until you understand this. Because you’re just going to make a mess of everything. So just, don’t.”

Hinata scoffed. “Thank you for having faith in me,”

“I’m just trying to keep you safe,” the older boy responded. Hinata could almost hear the smile on his lips.  


	11. Chapter 11

Hinata heard a voice as he drifted out of sleep. He grumbled quietly to himself, rolling onto his side. He opened his eyes, the morning light too bright for him to see anything properly. Kenma was sat up on his bed, turned away from Hinata.  “Yeah... he’s okay now, I think. His face doesn’t look as red as it did before,” he said quietly. Hinata saw his phone clutched to his ear, dismissing the concerned thought that Kenma was talking to himself. There was silence and Hinata could hear a soft mumble from the other end of the phone, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. “I think my mum’s going to try and see dad while I’m gone. He keeps…he keeps sending money through the letterbox every week, to pay for things. She wants to know why – it’s confusing,” Kenma was silent again, nodding to himself. “Yeah. I love you too, Kuro. I miss you. Bye,” he said, pulling his phone away from his ear. Hinata smiled into his pillow.

“Aw, how cute. Do you and Kuroo always say ‘I love you’ to each other on the phone?”  He asked. Kenma turned around, his cheeks slightly flushed as he looked down. “Not…always,” Hinata leaned on his hand, still grinning.

“I bet you two have romantic dates all the time. Kuroo seems like a romantic type. I wish Kageyama would be romantic, but he’s like ‘what do you mean you want to go on a date? I held hands with you on the way to school!’ It really kills any sort of ambiance.  What sorta stuff does Kuroo do for you?”

Kenma sat up, pulling the bed sheet down, feeling around on the floor, trying to find where he put his bag. “It’s just usual stuff,” he admitted eventually, after realising Hinata was going to continue staring at him until he said something. “He lets me share his umbrella if I forget mine, and he pays whenever we go out to eat or whatever,” he began sorting through his bag, pulling out new clothes.

“That’s so nice! Man, I want to do that with Kageyama,” he grumbled again, “but…his parents don’t know that he’s with me, so it’s uh, it’s…not something we can really be public about. He has a big family, and they’re friends with loads of people from town, so if we kissed or something his parents would find out for sure,”

Kenma looked up, sympathetic. “It’s never been like that for me. Tokyo is…everyone minds their own business, really. And Kuroo’s mum and my mum always joked about us getting together. Before I transitioned, I mean,” he pulled his phone out, unlocking it, his fingers tapping away, “We’ve been friends for forever, so when we came out as a couple a couple years ago, no one was surprised,” he gave his phone to Hinata.

There was an old photograph of Kuroo and Kenma, Kuroo clutching one of Kenma’s hands tightly his lips pressed against Kenma’s cheek. Kenma was looking away, his cheeks flushed. The only clear difference between Kenma then and Kenma now was the long ponytail of brown hair that cascaded over the child’s shoulder. “I don’t really know a lot about hiding relationships. The only thing I know is what Lev tells me from being Yaku’s boyfrie-“ Kenma shut his mouth quickly, his eyes growing wide.

Hinata grinned, “What? Lev and Yaku? Are you serious?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Kenma said, and Hinata smiled. The older boy looked at him, his eyes heavy. “I. Didn’t. Say. Anything.” He repeated, firmer, as he got out of bed. “How does bathing work in your house? Do I just go and take a bath, or do I have to wait until after breakfast?” Hinata nodded.

“Um, you can go now. You can put something against the door, if you don’t want anything to walk in. I know Natsu does that sometimes,”

“It’s okay. I’ll manage,” Kenma said, but Hinata could see his hand clasped tightly on his towel, and the tension that filled his body. He understood, though. Bathing was one of the worst things in his daily routine. Kenma nodded, watching his friend for a moment longer, before stepping over his bed and making his way to the bathroom.

Hinata grabbed his phone off his bedside table, rolling onto his side, scrolling down his contacts, finding the name he wanted.

Tobio <3

Of course he’d never admit to the heart emoticon next to his name, or the fact that Kageyama was saved with his first name. Hinata always wanted to call him by his first name. He pressed call, putting the phone to his ear, biting his lip slightly. After a few rings, he picked up. “Hinata,” Kageyama seemed breathless, and he looked at the clock. Of course. He’d be out jogging by now.

“Hey, how’re you?” Hinata breathed, smiling despite himself.

“Good. I was gunna stop for a break now, anyway,” he muttered. “Why’d you call?”

Hinata chewed his lip again. “I’m, uh, I miss you. I have Kenma around at the minute and-”

“ _What?_ Seriously? Can he give me pointers on how to se-“

“No! He’s here for my injury! If I can’t play volleyball, nobody can,” Hinata huffed. “Kenma’s here, but I still miss you,” he admitted.

Kageyama sighed, “I want to tell my family,” he blurted out. “About you, and our relationship, and everything,”

Hinata sat up in bed, his eyes wide. “Shit, are you serious?” he asked.

“Yeah,”

“But…are you even gay?” he asked,

“Um, yes. No. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m…not straight, at least. I know that much,”

Hinata’s throat felt tight. He was scared. He liked Kageyama’s family. There was so many of them – so many different inputs and opinions, and he liked that. Not to mention his parents were warm and friendly beyond belief. He felt scared that he could lose that now. “Is it alright? I mean, you don’t even know what your sexuality is. Maybe you should wait until you know more about yourself,”

“But I have a boyfriend _now_. And you’re a part of my life and I’m tired of having to hide you. Besides, my brothers or sisters will probably walk in on something soon – it’s only a matter of time,” he didn’t sound scared at all, more…relaxed, if anything.

“I just don’t want you to be hurt or something,” Hinata admitted, his voice almost a whisper.

“My parents wouldn’t do that to me, Hinata. They might not understand it, but they know that’s not going to stop me being with you. I’ll be fine,”

Hinata looked across his room. He felt helpless. “Do you want me to be there with you?”

“No, it’s fine.  I might call you afterwards, though, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s fine!” he exclaimed. There was a silence.

“Hinata?”

“Yeah?”

“…I miss you too. You should show up to practice. Even if you can’t play.”

“I will. When Kenma goes back to Tokyo, I’ll go,”

“Right. Okay.”

“You should get back to jogging,” Hinata mumbled,

“Yeah…”

“See you soon?”

“See you soon.” Kageyama said firmly, putting down the phone. Hinata sucked in a breath, running his hands through his hair. He didn’t deserve Kageyama. He didn’t deserve to be loved in the way Kageyama did. He was so gentle, so caring, no matter how frustrating Hinata could be. Of course he wasn’t perfect, and he got angry, and they argued about stupid things, but when things were serious, Kageyama was always calm.

 

Kenma came back in around fifteen minutes later, pulling his hair out of a ponytail, his jeans rolled up at the bottom slightly. “Oh, uh, I forgot yesterday, but Kuro wanted me to give you something,” he sighed, fiddling through his bag. He pulled out a plastic bag, unwrapping the things inside. It was a big orange card, with the words ‘ _Get well soon Shorty!_ ’ written across the front in glue and glitter. Overall, it looked like something Natsu would have made in class. “I’m sorry…about this. Bokuto and Kuroo made it themselves.”

Hinata smiled despite himself, “It’s amazing! Don’t worry!” he opened it up, and found two pictures on each side. One picture of the Nekoma team, and the other of the Fukurodani team.  In the middle was written in crayon: ‘ _We heard about your accident, so we’re sending you a kitten and our happy thoughts! Get well soon, the boot doesn’t suit you! Let’s play again when you’re better – Love ya!  :D’_ And then underneath on each page, it was signed by the members of the team. All of them with little messages underneath.

_You better heal fast! You’ve got matches to play – Yamamoto_

_We’re gunna kick your butt when you’re better! – Lev_

_Hope you’re doing better now, best regards – Akaashi_

And then at the very bottom of the card, written in the same drunken sprawl as the primary message, was: _Ps. Tell Tsukki we love him for being a decent human being for once! We’re both very proud! Love, Bokuto and Kuroo (_ _ﾉ_ _◕_ _ヮ_ _◕_ _)_ _ﾉ_ _*:_ _・ﾟ_ _✧_

He chuckled, turning it over in his hands. “Wow, this is…really something,” he looked up suddenly, “wait…do they know about me being… because the reason I fell was…”

“No Kuroo just said you got lost and slipped. No one else knows,”

“Thank god. No one here knows about you either – by the way,”

“Thank you,” Kenma said quietly, sitting down on his bed again. “And everything at Karasuno is fine, as well?”

“Yeah! I thought, you know, Tsukishima might not be alright with this, but, then he really helped me out, so I guess I was just being a little harsh on him. What about your team?”

“There were some issues. I think a lot of them were just awkward about it at first. And then Lev keeps asking questions. You know the really invasive, weird questions. But Yaku hits him now whenever he says anything, so I guess it’s okay. Bokuto knows too, and he’s super cool about it now,” he added quietly at the end. Hinata nodded,

“Right. Today, I wanna go show you the woods where I fell, it’ll be fun!”

“Shoyo…I don’t think that’s very…”

“No it’ll be fine, don’t worry!”

 

Once they were breakfasted and washed, the two of them started out on their adventure, Kenma still feeling very cynical and worried about even letting him out, but Hinata still hobbled in front of him, pointing things out as they went – not that there was really much to see. They bought snacks at Ukai’s store, which ended in a very stiff, awkward attempt at a conversation between the coach and the older boy.

It was shortly after that, that they found the edge of the woods. “Wow. I didn’t think it would be so close,” Kenma admitted,

“Didn’t you see it on your way in?” Hinata asked, kicking at a stone on the floor.

“I was playing a game, not looking out the windows.”

“Well…let’s go in! I’m pretty sure it’s not far – we’ll see the police tape anyhow,”

“Oh…let me get my jacket out first,” Kenma said, shivering in a sudden gust of wind. Hinata turned to watch him, itching with excitement to go exploring. “Hey hey! Kenma! There’s a stag beetle over here! Look!”

“Shoyo I don’t think you should pick them up…”

“Nah it’s fine, they don’t really bite,” he said, picking it up, and turning back around to show Kenma. The older boy drew back, glaring at Shoyo. He looked up at Kenma, smirking. “That jacket isn’t yours,” he sang, and Kenma looked down. The jacket was much bigger than he was, and he had to roll the sleeves up to stop them from covering his hands. “Oh, I guess it’s not.” he murmured.

“What? Do you take clothes from Kuroo that much?”

“I guess? It’s easier sometimes,”

Hinata wrinkled his nose, “Ew. And Kuroo said me and Kageyama were the sappy ones,” he mumbled, and Kenma flushed a little bit, stepping back. “You are, though,” he replied, following Hinata as he limped into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know where I'm going with this again, lolol.  
> Anyway, this might not be updated very much, I'm working on a lot of cosplays at the minute, and I'm going back to Northern Ireland soon, so I might not have a lot of time to update, sorry!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's life is going well.  
> Kenma's is not.

Kageyama clenched and unclenched his hands as he stood alone in his room. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He hadn’t felt this nervous in a long, long time. He kept telling himself that there was no reason for him to be nervous, but that didn’t help. He was still scared. What happens if his parents really did mind? What was he going to do then? He bit his lip, sucking in a deep breath before marching out of the room.

His house was big, but his family was bigger. In total, he was one of eighteen children. Of course, there was only ten of them left at home now, but that still meant sharing bedrooms. His mother had had four sets of twins throughout the entirety of her marriage to his dad, and one set of triplets. Kageyama was one of the triplets. He had an identical brother, and a sister. All of his siblings had almost exactly the same face and glare. The age range between his oldest sister and his youngest brother was twenty eight years, and all in all, when the entire family was together – inclusive of his aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, his brothers and sisters in law, his brothers and sisters in law’s parents, _and_ all his nieces and nephews, the family’s numbers were well over one hundred. The Kageyama clan was truly terrifying when all together.

He made his way down the stairs – his two older brothers were up in their room doing homework (being the oldest in the house gave them the rights to the best bedroom, even if they had to share) but other than that, everyone was gathered in the living room. No one looked up except his dad, who quickly frowned. “Tobio? Are you alright?” he asked, which caused a few of his siblings to look up as well.

“Um, I need to talk. To you and mum. Alone.” He said, his cheeks growing red. His twelve year old sister took the hint, taking the youngest set of twins out of the room. Kageyama’s own fraternal sister, Makiyo, picked up the toddler, taking him out. His identical brother stood his ground, sitting there casually. “Hayato.” Kageyama snapped, and his brother looked up, smiling at him.

“What? Don’t have such a stick up your ass, I wanna know,”

“Language,” their dad warned. He had the same eyes as the both of them – and he was the reason all of the Kageyama siblings had the same terrifying glare. “I said it was _private_ ,” Kageyama hissed back at his brother. Hayato knew exactly how to get under his skin, and he was not in the mood for him right now. “Okay, okay, but can you blame me for wanting to know I mean –“

The door opened, Makiyo, leaning into the room. “Hayato. He said he wanted to talk to them alone. It’s obviously important. And besides, no one crowded you when you got your fingers trapped in the car door and-“

“Alright, Maki! Jesus, I’m going!” he stood up, following their sister out of the room. Makiyo was a terrifying young woman – she was taller than both of her brothers, and was the oldest out of all of them (Tobio was the youngest. Only by about fifteen minutes though). She was also arguably, the best sports player out of all of them. Whilst Tobio excelled at volleyball, and pretty much _only_ volleyball, Makiyo was a genius at the majority of the sports she tried – volleyball, swimming, tennis, gymnastics, basketball. Hayato was a swimmer, and an occasional volleyball player, and he was content with that.

 

Kageyama’s parents turned to him when the room was finally silent. It didn’t suit the house – usually there were children running and screaming everywhere, but now there was one silent room. “What is it?” his mother asked, grasping at her necklace.

“I um,” he chewed his lip, looking out of the window, trying to distance himself from what he was about to say. “I have a boyfriend.” The words settled in the air like a ton of bricks pushing down on the three of them. It felt like an eternity before his mother spoke up.

“Is it Shouyou?”

Kageyama looked at his parents. His mother wasn’t meeting his eye, and his father seemed to be torn between feeling angry and relieved. He licked his lips, “Yeah…it’s Shouyou,” he admitted. He couldn’t even hear his own voice.

“Does he make you happy?”

“He does,” he whispered. “He makes me so happy, mum,”

“Does this mean you’re gay?” his dad cut in. Kageyama paused.

“I don’t know.”

His mum let out a low chuckle. “Well…I suppose I should have expected one of you to be queer. There’s eighteen of you, after all,”

“Yeah, but…I was expecting Hayato to be the first one,” his dad suggested, and his mother nodded,

“Yes. I was thinking it was going to be him too. It’s a bit of a shock that it’s you, Tobio. But this doesn’t change anything. We still love you. I mean, if you were our only son we’d be sad about the grandchildren, but you have eight brothers, so it’s hardly going to affect us,” his mother smiled. And then Kageyama did something no one expected. He started to cry. His mum got up quickly, “come here,” she said, her voice quiet. It was the same voice she used to quiet down his baby brother when he was crying. She held him gently, hushing under her breath, running her fingers through his hair. “Thank you…” he whispered, not quite sure what else to do.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about anything,” she told him, resting her chin on his head (his mother was the one he could all of his height from – his father was actually quite small).

“Has Shouyou ever visited the house?” his dad asked, frowning.

“Yeah he has – a bunch of times. You were at work for most of it though. You might have met him once,”

“Oh is he the tiny excited ginger?”

Kageyama nearly choked on his dad’s description of his boyfriend. “Yes. That’s him,”

“You should invite him to dinner at some point.” Kageyama’s mouth fell open a bit.

“Like? A formal dinner? We’d never be able to,”

“Eh, he can sit with the family on the floor like you always do. He’s a part of it, for the meantime, anyway,” he said, clapping his son on the shoulder.

 

After Kenma had gone back to Tokyo, Kageyama told Hinata about his dad’s invitation. It was time for school again, and Hinata was sat awkwardly on the bench, clearly itching to do something. He couldn’t stand just sitting with Yachi and Kiyoko and observing. His mouth hung open when he heard about the invite, “but. Not your whole family. Just the ones at home, right? I mean the ones you live with?”

“No. Oh god no. No. That would be like…the last time we got together was my brother’s engagement party, so... they’re not going to put the effort in until something like that happens,”

“Damn. We’ve still got a long way to go before I’m important enough to meet your entire family,” Hinata muttered, getting up from his seat. He still limped a lot, but he was trying his best to walk as normally as possible. His facial bruising had also faded somewhat, but he was now left with ugly yellow and green bruises. It wasn’t the most attractive he’d ever looked, and Tsukishima was constantly making comments about his corpse like appearance. Even though Kageyama could appreciate that he wasn’t looking his best right now, he also didn’t care. Bruises in volleyball were nothing new. Hinata was always covered in them – always changing, discolouring, disappearing and appearing. They were as much a part of his as his red hair or his height was. Even bruises on his face weren’t new (they’d all never let him live down the time he’d given himself a black eye on the minivan door), and he loved him all the same. He put his arm around Hinata’s waist, holding him close to his chest, pressing his lips to Hinata’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered, kissing him again. The ginger boy put his hand against Kageyama’s chest, smiling despite the furious blush on his face. He kissed back, his other hand gently pressed against Kageyama’s face, pulling him closer. “Kageyama, Hinata, no PDA in the gym, this is a volleyball-only zone,” Daichi called, his back turned to the couple as he continued his discussion with Asahi and Tanaka. The two of them blushed, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sending them stupid little smirks. “Get your parents to fix a date. I’m sure my mum will let me come for dinner,” Hinata whispered back, his heart fluttering in his chest. He was already excited.

 

Kenma’s life, on the other hand, had reached a low point so dark and frightening; it could only be likened to the depths of Mariana’s Trench. He’d been like this before – a few years ago, and he had made it his sworn goal to get away from it permanently. All the work he did to get out, all of it was for nothing. He was falling again. Falling harder and faster than he ever had before.

Everyone was okay at school before. He was on speaking terms with the majority of his class, but they knew that he preferred to be on his own, so they let him be. But that had changed over the course of the short break from school. It wasn’t even first lesson, and he was crouched under the staircase, his hands over his ears, his chest heaving. His lungs burned, his eyes stung from the tears falling down his face. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t do anything.

It started as soon as he walked into his classroom. It had been a lot quieter than it usually was after breaks from school. People were still talking, but there seemed to be fewer voices than normal. He frowned, walking quietly over to his seat, sitting down and pulling his phone out. The possible reasons for the quietness were running through his head, when he heard it.

“Mitsuko.”

He turned around on instinct, his eyes wide. There was no one in his class with that name. He turned around but he couldn’t see anyone directly looking at him. Only a faint titter of laughter going around the room. He felt something sink in his stomach. He turned back to face the front. His fingers were shaking around his phone underneath his desk. He fixed his eyes on a spot on the board in front of him. His heart felt like it was stuttering in his chest. His mind was a mess. _Not this again no please I can’t take this again not again no no please I’m begging you not again_.

“Mitsuko,”

“Hey, Mitsuko-“ The name was being said more. Different people. Different sentences. There was no one in that year in their name. He couldn’t hear any individual conversations anymore. It felt like everyone in the class was saying that name. The name he never wanted to be called by again. He bit his lip, his eyes burning. He felt his bottom lip quivering, almost betraying him. And then he heard it. It sounded quiet as a whisper, but he could hear it. Everyone could hear it.

“Tranny.”

Kenma stood up, looking around. His face was red, his hands clenched at his sides. Everyone was laughing at him. It was too loud. It hurt so much. His chest started to heave. He couldn’t catch his breath. He couldn’t think properly. He marched across the classroom, the laughter filling the room, all around him now. He pulled the door open, escaping out into the hallway.

And that was when he saw it. He didn’t know how they’d managed to get a hold of it – probably after hours of digging on his parents’ social networking. A picture of him aged four at his parents’ wedding, wearing that horrific pastel blue tulle dress, his long hair decorated with flowers.  Next to it was a big piece of paper with an arrow and words, reading: _Mitsuko “Kenma” Kozume – Born a GIRL!!!_

He felt like he was going to be sick. He clutched his stomach feebly. He looked around the hallway. He felt like he could still feel everyone’s laughter, everyone’s eyes on him. He started running. Back down the stairs, across corridors, until he curled up underneath the ground floor stairwell. He burst into tears there and then. Tears of frustration, tears of self-hatred, tears of fear. What was going to happen to him now? What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to go to any other school. He had friends there now but…would they still want to be his friend, now that everyone knew about him. He was so scared. He’d been so frightened he hadn’t even taken down the photo. He covered his mouth, trying to quiet down the sobs. Everything was going so wrong; there was nothing he could do.

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been sat there, trying to calm himself down to no avail. “Kenma?” he jumped at the sound, edging himself back into the corner. He didn’t want to be found. He didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. He could hear footsteps down the corridor, towards him, and he just wanted them to _go away_. He’d had enough. “Kenma, I know you’re here,” he recognised the voice now. It was Kuroo. Instead of calming him, like it usually did, he just felt worse. “Leave me alone,” he called, his voice cracking.

“Kenma, I heard what happened. Yaku’s taking the pictures down now an-“

Pictures? There were multiple? How many people knew? How would anyone take him seriously now? He let out a low whimper, running his hands through his hair. “Kenma, Kenma, it’s okay,” Kuroo said. He was crouching next to him now, in the stairwell, reaching out towards him.

“Don’t touch me,” Kenma yelled at him, gripping his hair in his fists, curling up into a ball. His breathing was uneven, and his head hurt.

“Okay, Kenma. But I need you to calm down,”

“How am I supposed to calm down? _Everyone_ knows, Kuroo. What am I supposed to do? How is calming down going to fix anything now?” the tears were falling hot down his face. His breath was just coming out in short gasps. Kuroo’s hand was still out, but he wasn’t trying to touch him anymore. “Kenma. I know it’s hard to believe, but this will get better. It’s going to be rough for a bit but it won’t stay this way forever. They’ll get used to it. We can talk to them, we can-“

“Kuroo, you have _no idea_ what this is like to hate everything about yourself. You have no idea how it feels to be stuck like this, with no way to fix it,” he was staring at him. Kenma’s breathing had calmed somewhat. He wasn’t crying as much. But his knuckles were nearly white from how hard he was gripping his legs. “It’s all happening again. I can’t do this again,” he whispered. Kuroo bit his lip. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. It was bad. There was no way he could convince Kenma it wasn’t – he wasn’t an idiot, and he wasn’t naïve. “Kenma. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he admitted.

“You can’t do anything. There is nothing anyone can do to change this anymore,”

“Kenma, this is different. It’s going to be difficult, yes, but this is nothing to bully you over. They can’t keep this up. I will protect you from anything they try to do to you. I will take care of you, I promise. Even if I have to walk you to your classroom every morning, or stay in your classroom at break, I will make sure you’re safe. The whole team will. You’re a transgender boy. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with that,” he said firmly. Kenma shut his eyes tight. “They called me a…a tranny. I don’t want to do this again,” he whispered, rubbing his face with his hands. Kuroo only reached out to touch him then. “They have no right to call you that. And I will beat the shit out of anyone who so much as thinks about calling you that again,” he whispered, pulling Kenma in close to him. He knew Kuroo meant what he said. He brushed his hair out of his face, kissing the top of his head. He was scared too, though. The last time something like this had happened, Kenma had resorted to coping methods that left his legs permanently scarred. Kuroo would give anything to make sure that Kenma never had to go through anything like that again.

 

They heard more footsteps down the corridor. “We got them all,” Kenma looked up as Yaku and Lev came into view. The older boy was looking at him sympathetically. “We didn’t go into your classroom, because we didn’t want to say anything without your permission first,” he explained. Kenma nodded,

“Thank you, Yaku,” he mumbled quietly.

“Don’t worry about it. Lev was the one who told us about this, anyway,” he dismissed, nudging the younger boy’s shoulder. “If you want us to say anything, we’ll do it. I’d be too happy to yell at the bastards that thought it was okay to do this,” Yaku murmured, ripping the paper in his hands into little shreds.

“Thank you, Lev – for telling them about this,”

“Ah, it was only natural! It said wrong things about Kenma, I had to tell someone! You weren’t born a girl, you never were a girl,” he explained, smiling at Kenma. He sighed, slumping back further into Kuroo’s arms. He was exhausted already. He didn’t want to have to deal with this. Yes, he had the entire volleyball team at his back, but they couldn’t protect him when he was alone in his classroom. He didn’t want this to turn out like it had before. He never wanted to feel that scared, that lonely. He held tight to his boyfriend’s hand, almost like if he held to him tight enough, he could make everything go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk I'm hoping to wrap this up by 15 chapters, so lol have fun w/that. I feel like the quality has really gone down. I'm really sorry about that.  
> I'm kind of sick again so I'm bck on my medication so also sorry I'm more likely to make mistakes?


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping up with the Kageyamas

The next few days at school had been hard. But the volleyball club had kept their word. The only time Kenma was left on his own was during lessons. They walked him to lessons, met in his classroom for lunch, and escorted him to practise after lessons were over. Those hours in between the day were difficult. The atmosphere in the classroom was thick. He was never good at talking with people anyway – he knew it would be easier if he just explained the situation to everyone. To explain what it really meant to be transgender. But he just wasn’t good at talking – that was Hinata’s thing, not his. So he just sat there. If someone asked, he could answer, he guessed. If not, he’d just ignore everything until it went away entirely.

Yaku was being more defensive than ever. He was the one who glared at classmates who gave Kenma funny looks. And Kuroo was just more affectionate. It was hardly perceivable, but he held his hand more, he hugged him more, and he was more attentive when Kenma talked about things. It was times like this when Kenma was reminded how lucky he was. He didn’t deserve someone as doting as him.

It was when he was alone with Kuroo, that one of his classmates finally asked him. “So, what? Are you just a tomboy?” The boy asked, blocking the classroom door, so the two boys couldn’t get out to go to volleyball practice. Kuroo looked down at Kenma, quirking his eyebrow. This wasn’t his place to speak up, but if Kenma couldn’t speak on his own, he would. “I’m…a boy,” Kenma mumbled, reaching out for Kuroo’s hand. That was his comfort now – something that made him feel slightly more confident. “But…you weren’t born a boy,”

“I was,”

“No you weren’t,” the boy argued. “You were born a girl,”

“I was dubbed female at birth. That doesn’t make me a girl,” Kenma replied, shying behind Kuroo a little bit.

“But it doesn’t make you a boy either. I mean…” the boy’s eyes ghosted over Kuroo for a second, “you don’t…have the same functions as a man. You can never be a fully functioning male, like, ever,”

“I don’t have to be fully functioning to be happier,”

“But you have to function to be an actual guy,”

“Who says?”

The boy looked at Kenma, before looking at Kuroo. “And you’re okay with your girlfriend being like that?”

“He’s my boyfriend, and I’m fine with it. Kenma’s happier now, and that’s all that matters,” Kuroo stood up straight, squaring his shoulders, towering over the boy. He squeezed Kenma’s hand, “Kenma’s been in your class for two years. You’ve treated him like a boy, and with respect. Why is that changing now?”

“Because we found out he’s not-“

“No. What you did was invade someone else’s privacy who did _not_ fucking deserve it. You outed him without his permission. And now you’re purposefully misgendering him even though you’ve known him as male for so long. Kenma’s made it obvious he’s comfortable with his gender identity as male. All you have to do is get it through your thick skull that gender has _nothing_ with sex, and that Kenma is a boy. If you can’t accept that, then Kenma doesn’t deserve to have to waste his time on you,” Kuroo said, knocking past the boy as he pulled Kenma out of the classroom. They walked for a bit in silence, Kenma’s head turned down, Kuroo marching on ahead of him. “You don’t think of me like that, do you?” Kenma asked quietly, his free hand clutched at his chest.

“Like what?”

“Like your girlfriend,”

Kuroo stopped walking, Kenma running into the back of him, looking up, confused. Kuroo turned to face him, his face very calm and controlled. “Why did you ask that?”

“I don’t know,”

“Are you scared I think of you like that?”

“Yes.”

Kuroo sighed, leaning back slightly. “I’ve never seen you as a woman. Even when we were kids, I didn’t think of you as a girl. You were always in your own separate bubble, in terms of how I viewed you. When you told me you were a boy, that fit more with me than anything had before. You’re a man, okay? I always saw you as that. Nothing’s going to change that,” Kuroo stepped forward. He put his hands on either side of Kenma’s face, leaning down to kiss him gently.

He knew it was hard on him. He knew Kenma didn’t believe him - there was no way he could ever fully convince him that he did think of him as a boyfriend. Nothing would ever make him doubt that.

Kenma kissed Kuroo back eagerly, putting his hands on Kuroo’s back, pressing down. Kuroo smiled, pressing his lips to Kenma’s cheek, making the younger boy smile a little bit. “I love you so much,” he whispered in Kenma’s ear, before kissing down his neck. The school corridor was silent now. Everyone else was gone. Usually they were conscious about being this affectionate in open spaces, but Kenma was too exhausted to care by now. Kuroo leaned his forehead on Kenma’s shoulder, sighing contently into folds of his uniform. Kenma ran his fingers through the short hairs on the back of his neck, his fingers getting caught in the longer hair. He kissed Kuroo’s jaw, the only thing he could from that angle. “I love you too,” he whispered. Resting his head on Kuroo’s, for a minute being able to forget the stress the rest of the world was putting him through. He was going to be okay this time.

 

It was the night of the Kageyama family meal. Hinata stood in front of his mirror, scrutinising everything about his appearance. He’d decided to wear a button up shirt and shorts. Something not too formal, but still looked more presentable than the stuff he usually wore. He was still anxious. His mum stood in the doorway, chuckling. “Do I look okay? I don’t look like a ten year old, do I?”

“No, you look fine,” she said. “You look handsome.” Hinata smoothed down his shirt again, blushing. “I can’t believe you’re already going to meet your boyfriend’s family, it seems like you were born just yesterday,” his mum added, putting her hand over her mouth. Hinata smiled meekly. “I wish dad was here to see this,” he said quietly. His mum paused, before nodding.

“I do too, honey,” she whispered, pulling him into a tight hug. “Now, I think it’s about time we left, don’t you?”

 

Meanwhile at Fort Kageyama, Tobio was trying his best to avoid pulling his hair out from the stress. His two older brothers wouldn’t stop making fun of him, and neither would Hayato. The two younger twins, Haruki and Kasumi, were kicking up a fuss because they just wanted to play games. His seven-year-old sister, who had claimed illness and didn’t want to be a part of the dinner, was now stomping around the house moodily. Kageyama sat down on his bed, his head in his hands. Makiyo leaned over the side of her bunk bed (she got to pick top bunk as first child privilege, and Hayato got the single bed from second child privilege) her hair tickling Kageyama’s face. “You holding up okay?” she asked, dangling upside down a few inches from her brother.

“Why does everyone in this family have to be a drama queen about everything?”

Makiyo snorted, “Says you! You should see you when something’s happened in volleyball, you stomp around the house like ‘ _why would he do something so stupid!_ ’ and ‘ _Who says fucking Oikawa is a better setter than me, just because he’s a year older!_ ’” She said, putting on her best Tobio voice.

“It’s true though…” he muttered, pressing his fingers at his temples. “I just… want everything to go alright, tonight. I really really like Hinata. And I want this to go okay,”

“He’s met us all before, you know, if he didn’t like us he’d already have made an excuse not to come,”

“Yeah, but this is different – dad’s gunna be there, and…and fucking Taya’s dropped round even though she wasn’t supposed to, so this is one step closer to being a proper formal welcome-to-the-family dinner!” Taya was their nineteen-year-old sister, who had only recently flown the nest, so still came back a lot to visit. Makiyo sighed, “Tobio, this isn’t as much of a big deal as you’re making it out to be. You know we can be chaotic, but if he can’t handle that, he’s probably not suited to being your boyfriend. Plus, I’ve met him – he’s about as immature as Kasu and Haru are. He’ll get on with us fine, now stop sulking,” she flipped over the side of her bed, landing fairly gracefully on the floor with a thud.

“If you keep doing that you’re going to put cracks in the ceiling downstairs,” he warned, following her out of the room.

He was helping his mum get out all the plates they needed when the doorbell rang. He felt his heart jump in his chest, and for a moment, everyone silently turned to look at him. Taya put her hand on his back, smiling at him, “Go on,” she whispered, “I can’t wait to meet him.” No one followed him to the door; they all got into place in the living room. He flung open the door and saw Hinata standing there. He looked really good, and Kageyama felt self-conscious about his old t-shirt and jeans. “Hi,” he breathed, and Hinata looked up at his face,

“Hey,” he replied after a pause.  The two boys continued to stare at each other, tense.

“Oh um, you can…come in, if you want,” Kageyama eventually said, moving aside to let Hinata in. The two boys stood pressed close together in the porch, before Hinata’s face cracked and he burst out laughing.

“What?” Kageyama asked defensively.

“You look so tense…like you’re constipated or something,” the smaller boy cackled, holding his stomach. Kageyama blushed going to hit him in the shoulder. “Shut the fuck up,” he muttered. Hinata slowly brought his laughter to a stop, grinning at the taller boy. He stood up on his tiptoes, leaning in close, kissing Kageyama quickly. “I thought we agreed you’d never go on your toes to kiss me again,” he said.

“Yeah but that time I managed not to head-butt you, so we’re good,” Hinata explained, smiling.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed, “Well…do you want to go meet my family?” The orange haired boy reached out for Kageyama’s hand before answering. “Yeah, sure.”

Everyone was sat in the living room, some of them lounging on sofas, others at the table, the rest lying on the floor. Their house was one of the biggest ones in the neighbourhood. Originally it had been of average size, with a massive garden, but his dad had decided to nearly double the house’s size, leaving them with a massive house and an average sized garden. “Right, okay, we’ll go through this quickly. At the table we have Taya. She doesn’t live here anymore because she’s in university, but she shows up anyway. Next to her are my older brothers, Ebi and Miki. It doesn’t really matter if you get them confused, like all the multiples in this house we answer to both names. On the sofa over there is Anzu, she’s in junior high, and next to her is Maki, one of my triplets.  Then there’s my mum and dad. Then on the floor there’s Hayato who is obviously my multiple and our four younger brothers: Haru, Kasu, Aki and Tsubasa,” he sped through the introductions, before turning back to Hinata.

“Why do you have so many brothers?”

“I don’t know. A lot of the younger ones are boys. I only have one brother who’s left the house, though. Seven of my sisters have already left, including Taya when she’s actually out of the house,”

“Oh…okay,”

“I fear for the day when I’ve just got my four boys left,” Mrs Kageyama spoke up, standing up. “Nice to see you again, Shouyou,” she smiled. Kageyama’s dad stood up. He wasn’t as tall as his wife, but he was strong looking. And terrifying. Hinata took a step back, involuntarily squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “Shouyou, I’ve heard a lot about you from Tobio, but I don’t believe I’ve ever actually met you,” he said firmly, glaring down at the red head. He looked down, “Your leg’s still broken, I assume?” Hinata looked down at his boot.

“Oh. Yeah. That’s still…yeah. I’ve got that for a few weeks still,” he explained, his eyes darting between father and son. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Kageyama couldn’t help but smile at that. “Dinner’s just a few minutes away, and we usually eat in here – you’ve had dinner with us before, haven’t you? We don’t have enough places at our table for everyone, but I suspect with your leg in the state it’s in, you can persuade the twins to move from the table,” Mrs Kageyama explained, looking up sternly at her older boys before exiting to go back into the kitchen. Mr Kageyama said something about catching up with some work, and ended up leaving as well.

Kageyama helped Hinata over the busy living room floor filled with Tsubasa and Aki’s toys, and stood behind Ebisu and Mikio’s chairs. The two of them looking fairly similar to their younger brother, but their hair was brown, like their mother’s, and it was longer as well. Ebisu’s hair was tied up in a ponytail. “Can we help you, Tobio?” he asked, his chin resting on his hand.

“Yeah. You heard what mum said. Move,” he nudged the back of his brother’s seat.

“She said move for Shouyou. She didn’t say anything about moving for you,”

“That’s not fair, he’s my…he’s my boyfriend,” Kageyama argued, his face slightly flushed.

“So? You kicked up a fuss when I had my girlfriend round,”

“Oh please, _you_ haven’t dated anyone for like two years,” Hinata’s eyes followed the bickering from one face to another. He argued with Natsu – of course he did. But he’d never had a brother to fight with – it was different to brother-sister fighting. “Why don’t you ask Taya to move?”

“Because I figured you and Miki would want to sit together. You know, with that weird twin bond?”

The other boy looked up, frowning. Mikio wore glasses – it was easier to tell the difference between those two. “Do you and Hayato have that weird bond?”

“No, but we’re not twins,”

“But you’re identical,”

“But we’re _not_ twins,”

“Like it makes that much of a difference,” Mikio dismissed, propping his glasses up on the top of his head.

“It makes a lot of difference! A whole sister of difference,” Kageyama’s voice was raised, and Makiyo flopped her head over the arm of the sofa, opening her mouth to join in the argument. “This isn’t worth it, we’re moving,” Ebisu said, gathering his books up from the table, giving his little brother a pointed glare as he did so. “They say they’re independent twins, but still use ‘we’ pronouns more than ‘I’,” Taya said, chuckling at the grumbles she got in return. Kageyama pulled out the now-empty chair for Hinata, before sitting next to him. “No one here knows you’re trans,” he whispered, almost sensing Hinata’s question before it was even asked. The ginger boy nodded slowly, looking up at the wall. It was decorated with twenty-eight years of family achievements, school portraits, and family pictures. There was barely any empty space, all of it covered by collages of each academic year. There was one massive picture above the mantelpiece, which caught Hinata’s eye. “Is that your current family?”  he asked, pointing at it.

“Yeah, that’s everyone so far,” he explained, “Four of my older siblings are married, and my sister Kaida just got engaged, so that was at her engagement party. Three of them have children, too. So my nieces and nephews are there,”

Hinata whistled, “How many identical children are there?”

“Five out of all my siblings. And Keiko has identical twins, too,”

“Does your family just have a higher probability for identical children?” Hinata muttered, in awe. The family was so huge, it was incredible. Did he really know what he was getting into?

The food Mrs Kageyama had made was delicious – their whole kitchen seemed to be turned into some sort of buffet. Feeding ten children was naturally difficult, and with everyone’s own personal likes and dislikes, she’d grown used to cooking at least three different meals at the same time, just to feed everyone. Hinata couldn’t help but respect a woman like that. After dinner, everyone helped to clean up, and then someone suggested playing a video game. That turned into the biggest tournament of Mario Kart Hinata had ever been blessed to be a part of. They split everyone who could play (which excluded Aki and Tsubasa) into four teams of three to get through each set of races. Hinata teamed up with Taya and Hayato. One of the races set him against Kageyama, and of course his the competitive nature compelled him to pick Rainbow Road, much to the distress of Anzu and Mrs Kageyama, who had also been included on that turn. After a gruelling three laps, though, Hinata finished third – one place ahead of Tobio, although the taller boy swore up and down that it was only because Hinata had an advantage before the race even started. It also led to an argument between him and Hayato, because the other boy had thrown his arms around Hinata to celebrate their win, and Kageyama had accused him of trying to steal his boyfriend. In the end though, Mikio, Ebisu and Mr Kageyama won the majority of the tournaments, celebrating quietly in their victory whilst everyone else shouted.

It was nearly midnight when Mrs Kageyama drove Hinata home. He sat in the back with Kageyama, their hands outstretched on top of one another in the middle of the spare seat. “Did you have fun tonight then?” Mrs Kageyama asked, and Hinata nodded eagerly. “That’s good. You know, I’ve never seen Ebi and Miki get so worked up over a game before now. You certainly did give them a run for their money,” she commented, and Hinata nodded. “That’s why dad always goes with them – because they always keep calm on that game. It’s not fair…” Kageyama muttered, his mother laughing at him. “We’re having a family barbeque at the end of the summer - everyone turns up to that one. You might get to meet Tobio’s older brother Yuki – he’s the one who introduced him to volleyball. Although his wife has just had a new baby, so he might not be able to attend…but there’s always Christmas, I suppose.” Hinata almost couldn’t comprehend the offer outstretched to him. He was being introduced to the entire family. He was being accepted by everyone.  They saw him as part of their family as well. He looked over at Kageyama pressing his lips together with excitement. The taller boy looked just as shocked and amazed as he was.

 

Kageyama got out of the car to help Hinata to his door. They stood on the porch for a moment or two. “I’ve never seen mum take to someone so quickly,” Kageyama breathed, his voice quiet. He sounded like he could hardly believe it, either. Hinata looked over him, at the firm muscle he could make out underneath the layers of fabric. He blushed, looking away. “I…” he trailed off, not sure how to complete his sentence. He’d been thinking about it constantly since Kenma’s visit. “I want to try to, you know,” he bit his lip, and Kageyama was looking at him, furrowing his eyebrows. “What?”

“We’ve been going out for what, like…six months now?”

“Yeah…shit, has it really been that long?”

“I just…wanted to talk about the idea at least…”

“The idea of what?” Kageyama pressed, still not understanding. Hinata sighed, putting his hands on the back of Kageyama’s neck, forcing him down so he could whisper in his ear. “Sex,” he finally finished, before pulling back up, his cheeks filling with colour. Kageyama’s mouth opened a bit, and he just stared at Hinata. “I-I mean, we can just…think about it for now, it was just a suggestion anyway,” Hinata dismissed, running his hands through his hair. “No. It’s um. I’ve been thinking about that a lot as well, and…yeah. I want to,” he replied, looking back at the house. “Oh. Okay,” was all Hinata could think to say. “We can talk about this later, yeah?” he asked. Kageyama nodded. “Right, then… kiss me, you idiot,” Hinata smiled. The taller boy bent down, his hands on Hinata’s shoulders, holding him gently. He said goodbye, and went back to the car, his mum pulling out and driving back down the streets, leaving Hinata stood on his own on his porch, his face completely red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two more chapters left, hallellloo


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kageyama do the dirty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the most shittily written almost-sex-scene-but-not-quite!  
> My excuse is I'm fifteen and asexual and I find so much as kissing disgusting, so I can't write sex for shit   
> However I tried my best on it so we'll see how this goes.

Hinata eventually got rid of the cursed boot very late in the summer. He was able to walk, but the boot had been replaced with a walking aid – just to make sure he wasn’t putting too much weight on it in the early days. He was still banned from volleyball, but it was a big improvement. Suga had taken pity on him and had started to help him with physiotherapy exercises during the warm up and cool down time.

Hinata was sitting down on the gym floor, his trousers rolled up to his knee. The scars from his stitches red and raw on his ankle, and Suga knelt down next to him, his hand firm in the air. Hinata was slowly raising his leg to meet Suga’s hand, and then lowering back again. He thought it sounded like a relatively simple exercise, but after several weeks without putting that much pressure on his foot, he found it was actually a lot more difficult than he’d first anticipated. He’d gotten to eight leg lifts, Suga smiling at him, “This is really good, Hinata, you’re nearly there,” he encouraged. Daichi cleared his throat,

“Can everyone gather round for a minute or two, I have something I want to ask.” Hinata began to start getting up, but Suga shook his head,

“You’ve only got two more to do, I doubt it matters,” he muttered, encouraging Hinata to finish the last two leg lifts. Everyone else gathered around them, Daichi shrugging his shoulders. “Well, there’s a Pride on in the city in a couple of weeks. And since there were a lot of queer people in the volleyball club, I thought it would be an idea to go as a team,” he suggested, looking at everyone. Noya was the first person to respond.

“That sounds so cool! Good idea, Daichi!” he praised. Slowly everyone began to chip in – no one had anything planned for that weekend, and it would be nice to show support as a whole team. “How about we dye shirts to match our sexualities?” Suga suggested, “That way it can be like coming out when we all meet up in the morning,” They all agreed to it – excited to make their own shirts. Suga helped Hinata up, and with that agreement settled in the club, they all went home for the night.

Hinata sat next to his mother in the living room, texting Kenma. His foot was propped up on the coffee table, wrapped and warmed in a pair of thick, fluffy socks.

_From Kenma:_

_So then Yamamoto got into a fist fight with these guys for calling me names._

_And then Bokuto and Lev joined in._

_To Kenma:_

_Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez im sorry did they get suspended???_

_From Kenma:_

_No. It wasn’t on school grounds, and I don’t think the baseball team want to admit being beaten by the volleyball team so there’s no problem._

_To Kenma:_

_Ahh that’s good then?? Im rlly sorry this is happening. It must be p.bad for the Fukurodani team to be getting involved.  Is it getting easier?_

_From Kenma:  
Slightly._

 

That didn’t sound hopeful at all. Hinata knew that Kenma wasn’t telling him the complete truth because he didn’t want him to worry, but it actually had the reverse effect. Whenever Kenma wasn’t honest with him, it made him scared about how bad the situation really was. He sighed, looking up from his phone. “Oh yeah, mum, Daichi suggested we go to Pride in a couple weeks at the weekend is that okay?” His mother frowned, getting up from her seat. “Just a minute, Shouyou…” she murmured, her finger running over the calendar, checking the dates. “Weekend a couple weeks from now? I’m visiting your grandparents in Tokyo then, I’ll be gone for the weekend. I told you that, remember? Natsu’s staying with a friend, I was going to suggest you go to one of your friends’ houses,” she explained.

Hinata smiled, perking up. “Why couldn’t I stay here, instead?”

His mother quirked an eyebrow, “Because you’re a teenager with a boyfriend who you’re madly in love with. I’m not dumb, Shouyou - I know what you’d do,” she warned, and he flushed. Damn, she’d seen through his plan. “Go ask your friends – if you’re all going to the Pride together, than it should be no problem to stay at their house.”

But Hinata’s mind was already formulating a plan. He was fairly confident they could pull it off when he arrived at school the next morning for volleyball practice. He sped up to Kageyama, his walking aid clicking on the gym floor. “Hi,” he breathed quietly, looking up at his boyfriend. “I’ve um…after Pride, my house is empty,” he stammered out. Kageyama turned back to look at him.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. But…only if you want to do it…”

“I do, but…wow, okay, this is happening,”

“But. My mum said I have to go to a friend’s house, because she knew I was going to try this,” he began, biting his lip. Kageyama narrowed his eyes, “So…?”

“We’re going to have to get someone to lie for us and pretend we’re staying at their house,” he explained. And Kageyama sighed. That wasn’t going to be easy.

The result of their desperate search was not fruitful – Noya lived with his four sisters and his parents, who definitely wouldn’t lie for them. They didn’t even have to ask Tanaka to know he was in the same bracket as Noya. Daichi and Suga were spending the night together, and when they asked, all they got was a five minute speech from Daichi about how irresponsible their actions were, although Suga did pull them aside after and promise that he could cover for them next time. Asahi was far too nervous to even consider lying for them. Yachi and Kiyoko were absolutely out of the question, and Yamaguchi was staying at Tsukishima’s house. That left only one person left to ask. The devil himself, Tsukishima. Kageyama dragged his hands down his face, groaning. “We can’t….he’s never going to agree,” he grumbled, and Hinata nodded.

“I know. But we have to try, he’s our last hope.” He tugged at Kageyama’s arm, pulling him into a tight hug. “I really, really want to do this. We have an opportunity now. I don’t want to have to wait,” he whispered into Kageyama’s chest. The taller boy breathed out slowly, running his fingers through Hinata’s hair. “I know. I want that too. I guess we just have to ask him and see.”

 

They approached him at lunchtime, cornering him in the bathroom. “What do you two want?” he asked, drying his hands on a paper towel. “Tsukishima…would you consider doing us a massive favour?” Hinata asked, biting his lip. He was practically shaking. The blond boy quirked an eyebrow. “Depends what that would be,” he said, standing up straighter. Kageyama and Hinata looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes. “After Pride… Hinata’s mum isn’t home, so we wanted to go back to his house, but we need someone to cover for us and to say we’re at their house, and we just thought…”

“We’ve asked everyone else on the team,” Hinata added, staring up at the tall boy. He crossed his arms, smirking at the two of them.

“You want me to lie for you two so you can go and have sex?” he asked bluntly, the two of them wincing.

“Basically, yeah,”

Tsukishima sighed. “First I save you from almost dying at the foot of a cliff, and now you want me to cover for you and your boyfriend. You owe me big time, Hinata,” he warned. The ginger boy looked down at his hands. “However, my parents are away that weekend, and Akiteru’s looking after me and Yamaguchi, and he owes me for a few high school parties when we were younger, so he’ll lie for the two of you,” he finished. Kageyama’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “Are you serious? You’ll do it?”

The blond boy nodded, propping his glasses up, “That’s what I said, right?”

“Oh my god. Thank you so, so, so, so much Tsukishima!” Hinata cried, nearly jumping forward to hug him. Then he remembered that would probably end in his neck being broken, so he refrained. “But you two owe me for this in the future. If I ask you to do something, you two better do it.” There was something harsh in his tone that almost made the couple regret asking him. Owing a favour to Tsukishima felt like a dangerous place to be in.

It was later that evening that Hinata’s mother received the details for the sleepover. “Tsukishima on the volleyball team suggested a sleepover for all of the first years for the weekend you were asking about. That was kind of him,” she remarked, and Hinata had to grit his teeth to stop him from saying something he regretted. He got a text from Tsukishima a few minutes later.

_From Asshole Giant_

_Akiteru will pick you up from your homes at 10 AM on the morning of the Pride. After it’s over, we’ll drop you back to your house. We’ll pick you up at 8 AM the following morning so your parents can collect you from my house at 10. Stick to my timeline, and do not keep me waiting._

He had no choice but to agree to it, even if it meant waking up at 8 O’clock the morning after.

 

Hinata worked on dying his shirt for the event. Although he was gay, he decided that instead of putting the rainbow flag on his shirt, he’d use the transgender pride flag. That was the identity he had more trouble coming to terms with, and the identity he felt he’d grown into a lot more this past year. The end effect of the shirt was almost that of tie-dye, and he was pretty proud of his first attempt at shirt design. He hung it on the back of his door the night before, buzzing with excitement at what the following day held. He’d tried cleaning up his room to try and make Kageyama more comfortable – he’d cleaned up all his dirty clothes, put things on hangers, put books back on the shelves and even changed the sheets. He couldn’t wait for the morning to come.

When the following day came, he was halfway through breakfast when the doorbell rang. “Shouyou, that’ll be Tsukishima, why don’t you go get your bag from upstairs,” his mother suggested, running to open the front door. As he was hobbling across the landing, carrying his backpack with him, he heard the sound of laughter coming from downstairs. It wasn’t his mothers, and the sound was so confusing and alien to him, he had to look through the banisters to see who it was. Tsukishima was stood in the doorway, his hands politely clasped in front of him, a big smile plastered on his face. He was laughing at something his mum had said, nodding enthusiastically. Hinata’s face twisted into an expression of shock and horror. He didn’t think Tsukishima was even capable of feigning actual human emotion. He’d just assumed the boy’s only three states were bitchiness, ruin and contempt. The sight of an almost genuine smile on his face made him feel sick at the unfamiliarity of the gesture. He was shaken as he came down the stairs slowly – his injury still inhibiting his movements. Tsukishima clocked him coming down the stairs, stepping forward into the house. “Hinata! Let me help you with that. You probably shouldn’t be carrying heavy things with your foot still healing. I’ll take it out to the car,” he said, taking the bag from him, smiling at Hinata’s mother again before going out to his brother’s waiting vehicle. Hinata stood once more, completely shell shocked for a minute. “Is he the boy who gave you his coat while you waited for the ambulance?” his mum asked. He nodded slowly. “He seems brilliant. You should invite him over for tea sometime.” The suggestion filled Hinata with horror.

“Yeah. Maybe. I have to go now mum, bye.”

By the time he made his way into a seat next to Yamaguchi in the back of Akiteru’s car, Tsukishima had returned to his normal state. “We’re picking up Kageyama before meeting up at Daichi’s house. Don’t make a mess or I will use your skin to clean it up,” he warned, resting his feet on the dashboard.

“You were so nice a minute ago, what happened?”

Akiteru and Yamaguchi laughed in unison. “What you just witnessed is Kei’s parent persona,” Akiteru explained, and Yamaguchi nodded,

“He’s guaranteed to become your parent’s favourite friend. That’s just how it is.”

“It’s so… _creepy_ ,” Hinata shivered, earning more laughs from the other two.

 

Daichi’s home was a large, old-fashioned house sat at the edge of the town, near the harbour. The first years were the last ones to arrive, everyone else lounging about in the living room. “Right. Let’s see everyone’s shirts then,” Daichi said, clapping his hands together. Everyone else had come wearing different shirts, keeping their Pride shirt a mystery. Tanaka, Ennoshita and Narita were all straight, and so they just kept their normal shirts on. Kiyoko and Yachi left the room to find a bathroom to change in to give themselves privacy. Hinata was offered the same, but over the course of the months that had passed since he’d come out to everyone, he’d become less secretive about the fact he worse a binder. They all knew he wore one, and the fact that they all knew didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. He pulled his t-shirt over his head, and no one batted an eyelid at the sight of his binder underneath.

He didn’t recognise a lot of the flags when he first saw them. He recognised Daichi’s shirt – he was wearing the famous rainbow design. He was gay. Noya and Kinoshita were wearing the bisexual colours. The pink, yellow and blue of Suga’s and Kageyama’s shirts confused him though. “It’s the colours for pansexuality,” Kageyama explained quietly. Hinata smiled, “You decided your sexuality, then?”

“For now, at least,”

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Asahi’s shirts confused him more, and from the looks of it, confused a couple more members of the group as well. “I’m asexual,” Asahi explained, smiling at the other boys. “I just don’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone,”

“And I’m greysexual, but I use the same flag because it falls under the same category. I very rarely feel sexual attraction, but I’m biromantic,” Yamaguchi added, his eyes lingering on Tsukishima for a moment.

“What about you, then?” Kageyama asked.

Tsukishima was adorned in a short-sleeved t-shirt that had the words “No Thanks” printed across the front of it. It was also coloured in lines of dark green, light green, yellow, grey and black. The boy sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m aromantic homosexual. If I hear any comments about how I don’t feel human emotion, I will slaughter you,” he threatened, looking away. That’s when it dawned on Hinata. All this time, he’d been scared that Tsukishima was going to say something about his identity. He’d been terrified that Tsukishima would make fun of him, and call him broken and wrong, but perhaps Tsukishima had been terrified of people doing to same thing to him. Maybe they had the same experiences. The same dread of what others would think of them, the shame when they realised that they couldn’t hide who they were anymore. Whereas Hinata’s fear had eased, Tsukishima’s was still there, venting its way out with anger and threats.

There was a knock at the door. “Can we come in now?” Yachi’s shaky voice called out. There was a sense of anticipation in the room. Everyone had been surprised to find out that Kiyoko was queer, and now everyone was eager to find out what she identified as. Yachi entered first – she was wearing shorts and a short sleeved shirt adorned with the same pattern as Daichi’s. He cheered, “Finally another gay person,” he said, Yachi smiling back at him. Kiyoko entered after her. She’d worked harder than the rest of them, having made herself a halter neck low back dress in black, grey, white and purple. The same colours as Asahi and Yamaguchi. She was ace, too. Although on her wrist she wore a bracelet braided with the rainbow colours. “Homoromantic asexual,” she explained briefly. “Yachi and I made bracelets for everyone else – two for those with different romantic and sexual identities.”

“We have face crayons too, to draw flags and stuff!” Yachi added, having perked up a bit from her nervousness.

 

By the end of it they were all completely covered in drawings and words. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had pulled out of the festivities after receiving their bracelets. Hinata watched as the two of them sat in a corner of the room, Yamaguchi leaning in close to his friend, whispering to him. Tsukishima looked back at him before brushing his hand through Yamaguchi’s hair, staring at his face for a minute before leaning in and kissing him tenderly and deeply. Hinata opened his mouth, but Tanaka beat him to it, wolf whistling at the two boys. They broke apart, Yamaguchi blushing furiously, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Don’t worry, we were all expecting that ship to sail sooner or later,” Noya dismissed grinning at the two boys.

“But…I thought Tsukishima was aro,” Kageyama said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Just because I’m aro doesn’t mean I can’t have a relationship,” he argued quietly, resting his head on Yamaguchi’s shoulder, holding onto his boyfriend’s hand tightly.

They took the bus to the city centre, all of them getting some disapproving looks along the way. But at this point, they were already rubbing their sexualities in the world’s face, there was no way they could possibly deny it now. The only thing they really could do was put emphasis on their relationships, which was exactly what happened. Hinata held onto Kageyama’s waist, being too short to hold onto the bar hanging from the ceiling. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were stood close to each other, holding hands, and Suga was sat on Daichi’s lap, insistent on sharing the single seat they’d grabbed.

The pride itself was a lot of shouting and walking and free things. Suga went into mother mode, making sure none of them picked up alcoholic drinks, or spoke to anyone who he deemed to be suspicious. Hinata felt surprisingly free. Even if he was just among a group of strangers, who he had nothing in common with except not being straight, he felt welcomed. He saw a few other people adorned with the transgender colours, and he smiled at them. He didn’t know there were other people like him so close to where he lived. And this was the first time he’d held hands with Kageyama in public, as well. It was nice to be in a place that celebrated his boyfriend, where they weren’t sneered at. They stopped for a break – Hinata’s leg was getting sore from all the walking around, so they’d decided to buy food and sit for lunch. He lay propped up against Kageyama – the taller boy’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him close. “I really love this,” he said quietly, sitting up so he was face to face with him. He crawled closer, before finally settling for sitting on Kageyama’s thighs. “I like it too,” the boy replied, resting his hands in the back pockets of Hinata’s shorts. His eyes were soft, and his face relaxed as he watched the smaller boy. He found it amazing how comfortable he’d grown to being with him. At first he’d absolutely despised him. But now he loved everything about him – the feint freckles on his cheekbones, the frizziness of his hair, the blisters on his hands and the scrapes on his knees. Hinata pressed his hands to Kageyama’s neck, pulling him forward as he kissed him tenderly, tugging at his bottom lip, letting out a contented sigh.

Hinata felt something hit his face, and he pulled away, a string of spit connecting his and Kageyama’s lips. He wiped it away, blushing as he picked up the purple packet that had been thrown at him. It was a condom. “I got handed that by a drag queen a few blocks back,” Tsukishima said, smirking. “I figured you two needed it a lot more than I did,” he was joined by chuckling from Yamaguchi, and Hinata narrowed his eyes.

“You know I’ve been meaning to say this since this morning, but your shirt saying ‘no thanks’ is false advertising – it makes you seem a lot more polite than you actually are,”

“Oh fuck off,”

“That’s more like it.”

“Uh oh,” Suga sang, and the two boys looked up from their bickering to see what he was talking about. Coming up the hill towards them was a familiar smiling face. Oikawa Tooru.

“I fucking knew he was gay,” Daichi murmured, getting up to greet him.  “Oikawa, what could possibly bring you here?” he called, brushing the grass off his jeans. The other captain shrugged,

“Well Mad Dog-Chan just came out to the team, so we all decided to show our support by coming to Pride with him,” he explained, his eyes brushing over everyone’s shirts. His mouth opened a bit when he saw Hinata, but he quickly composed himself again, turning back to Daichi. “Oh…so you’re… _not_ gay?” he asked, not able to hide his surprise.

Oikawa grinned. “No. But I am aromantic ace.” Suga choked on his drink, hiding his surprise even worse than Daichi. Well, no one had been expecting that, for certain. Oikawa chuckled at that, “Don’t tell any of my fans, though. I’m sure it would break their hearts if they found out,” he pouted, before being called back to the others by Iwa. He waved goodbye, running back down the hill. “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m the only gay captain,” Daichi muttered, running his hands through his hair. Suga stood up to comfort him, the rest of the team smiling as they watched the scene unfold.

 

It was dark out by the time Akiteru drove Hinata and Kageyama back to his house. Yamaguchi was deliberately trying not to look at them. There was tension in the car. No one was saying anything, but they all felt the pressure bearing down on them. Hinata had kept a box of condoms he’d been given, and it sat in the bottom of his bag. When the car pulled up in his driveway, Tsukishima let out a breath. “Stay safe you skanks, don’t do anything if you don’t want to, have a safe word and have fun,” he said, glaring back at them as they got out of the car.

Hinata took Kageyama’s hand, his breath visible in the night air. He silently unlocked the door, leading him inside. They made it all the way to Hinata’s bedroom before they turned back to one another. Hinata pushed Kageyama back onto the bed, climbing on top of him, grabbing hold of his shoulders. Kageyama seemed stunned for a moment or two, not sure how to react, before wrapping his arms tightly around Hinata’s waist, pulling him closer. They weren’t sure how long they stayed like that – kissing each other, their tongues brushing past each other, nipping at each other’s lips. Every so often one of them would sigh or groan at the friction. Eventually they had to come up for air, pulling apart. Hinata ghosted his fingers down Kageyama’s side, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, after a few seconds of pulling, Kageyama got the hint and put his arms above his head, letting Hinata pull his shirt off. He couldn’t stop himself from audibly sighing at the sight. His muscles were firm and prominent, and he shakily ran his fingers up his bare skin.

He bit his lip, standing up from the bed. He kicked his shorts off first, and then his socks. “Well this isn’t really the sexy undress I was hoping for,” Kageyama admitted, and Hinata stuck his tongue out.

“I’m sorry I’m not a natural born stripper,” he muttered, getting stuck in his shirt for a moment or two before pulling it off. He stood in front of him in just his underwear now. “Well, getting out of a binder is never attractive anyway,” he said, pulling at the Velcro, undoing it. “Take off your jeans, too,” he added, turning away from Kageyama out of habit. The taller boy just nodded as he started undoing his belt. He stood up as Hinata finished pulling the binder over his head, and for a second the two of them just stood there in their boxers. Kageyama walked forward. Hinata’s back was muscled, his waist pinching in. He wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing the base of his neck. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice quiet. Hinata hummed, nodding. “I’m sure. Get back on the bed,” he whispered, pulling apart from Kageyama as he began fishing through his bag. Kageyama did what he was told – he figured he’d be doing a lot of that tonight. Hinata felt like he was in control, and Kageyama knew this was his time to just shut up and listen to him. The smaller boy put the box of condoms o his bedside table, before climbing onto Kageyama’s lap. It was the first time he saw Hinata shirtless. His breasts were firm but small, and in keeping with his body. He looked delicate but strong at the same time. He just sat staring for a moment or two, taking in the sight. Hinata bit his lip, taking Kageyama’s right hand, in his, putting it on his stomach. His eyes were lidded, his irises blown wide, almost hidden by his eyelashes as he looked down into Kageyama’s face. He slowly slid his hand up towards his breasts, pausing when Kageyama’s fingers slid up the middle of his chest. His skin was soft and warm, and he couldn’t help licking his lips at the sensation. His hand only stayed still for a moment, before Hinata was pulling it down again, back towards the front of his boxers. He sighed as Kageyama’s fingers dipped passed his waistband, his hand still holding his wrist loosely.

 

Hinata woke up the next morning to knocking at the front door. Kageyama’s head was resting on his chest, and he slept peacefully, his shoulder rising and falling with his breath. He brushed his hands through his hair, comforted slightly by the sensation on his fingertips. He smiled, brushing his fingers over his cheek slowly, before he was interrupted by another, more aggressive knock at the door. He sighed, shaking Kageyama awake. The boy moaned, before slowly lifting his head and looking at Hinata. For a moment, the two of them looked at each other, remembering. “Someone’s at the door,” Hinata said eventually. Kageyama sat up, looking around.

“Can I borrow a sweater to wear?” he asked, pulling his boxers off the end of the bed, shimmying them back on. Hinata reached for a hoodie to slip on before he started looking for his underwear and trousers. They eventually made it to the front door, and opened it. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were stood there, the blond boy looking increasingly pissed off. “Took you two long enough,” he muttered, turning back down the path. Yamaguchi smiled at the two of them briefly, before following him.

They all sat in the car together, Tsukishima sighing, turning back in his seat. “So, how did your night go? Eventful? I couldn’t help but notice the bruises on Kageyama’s neck, after all,” he said. The black haired boy blushed furiously, before clamping a hand down on his neck, glaring at Hinata. “Never mind. I don’t want to know. You can keep the details to yourself.”

After they arrived back at Tsukishima’s house, it was a waiting game until their parents showed up. They ended up sat in the living room, Hinata huddled up close to Kageyama. “So, what did you two end up doing with your night anyway?” he asked, turning back to look at Yamaguchi. The sofa was set up with duvets and blankets, and there was a pile of DVDs scattered across the coffee table. “We just…watched movies all night,” the freckled boy said, looking up at the blond. Hinata quirked an eyebrow, “You know, Tsukishima, we could cover for you if you two ever need a night alone.”

 

It was later on in the evening when Hinata felt a buzzing from his phone. He picked it up, looking at the message.

_From: Asshole giant_

_You have to cover for us in a couple weeks’ time. Got it?_

Hinata smiled to himself. He made a note to himself to congratulate the two of them the next day. He agreed as he pocketed his phone again, flopping back on his bed. Kageyama had left his shirt from the day before on his floor, and he held it to his face as he curled up onto his side.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quality died I'm sorry.  
> But there's one more update and then I'm done!  
> I'm really sick at the minute so it's probably not good, my bad :/


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I ended the thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note - the surgery Kenma's forearm scar is referring to is an operation for trans men called Phalloplasty.  
> Also Kuroo has a superman ring b/c I was a lil bit inspired by eicinic Kuroo.  
> Also sorry this chapter is later. I went back to Northern Ireland for a little bit, and I was travelling w/o internet over the past few days.

“Fuck, we’re gunna miss it!” Hinata cried, holding his hat down as he ran down the street.

“Not if you run _faster_!” Kageyama screamed over his shoulder. The bus doors had just closed, and he started waving his arms around his head, shrieking like a madman. After a tense few seconds of sprinting and squawking, the bus doors opened back up, and the two boys cheered as they flung themselves on board. Everyone on the bus stared at them as they stood there, desperately trying to catch their breath. “We…we made it,” Hinata sighed, doubling over as he tried to catch his breath.

“Now Kuroo won’t yell at us. Go find a seat,” Kageyama said, nudging his boyfriend.

 

It had been four years since Hinata had come out in his first year, and a lot had happened since then. He’d started Testosterone in his second year, and he’d been picked as captain in his third. After high school, he’d decided to take a year out before joining Kageyama in full time volleyball training. That year had changed a lot about their relationship.

There was something restrictive about being in a relationship during university. Everyone else around Kageyama was free to experiment with their sexualities, whilst he had a duty to remain faithful to Hinata. It didn’t make it any easier that the both of them had never dated anybody else seriously, outside of each other. It led to a lot of arguments, a lot of bickering and crying. In the end, they took a break from each other indefinitely. That lasted two months before the two of them were drawn back together again, and they’d stayed a couple ever since.

They’d kept in contact with Kuroo and Kenma, too. Obviously the two of them didn’t have eyes for anybody except each other and had no issue, despite the in between year when Kenma was still in high school. Kenma’s issues at school didn’t just end with his second year. It took a lot of defence from the volleyball team – although he wasn’t keen on accepting help from the new first years – and a lot of arguing and visiting from Bokuto, Kuroo and Yaku. Lev had been a big help for Kenma, though. Although he’d started with invasive questions, he’d become one of Kenma’s strongest friends in that mess. A lot of people had just given up with it within a few weeks – Kenma’s gender identity becoming a boring topic. It was more effort than it was worth to break the habit of calling him Kenma, or by he pronouns. There were only a few very nasty individuals left in his year who were very adamant that they were never ever, now that they knew he was “lying”, going back to calling him a man. And that was that. Other than protecting himself against violence that never truly happened, there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t make people understand. Even once he got his mastectomy in his third year, once he’d turned eighteen, they still continued to call him a girl.

A couple of things like that had happened to Hinata, as well, though he’d hate to admit it. Whilst he was travelling to one of their games, he’d run into some people who had known him as female when they were at school together. They laughed when he told them he was a starter on the boys’ team. And it wasn’t until Asahi and Daichi came to collect him that they finally left him alone. Hinata was not a socially anxious person. But being faced with a group of people, who laughed him down when he told them the truth made his mouth go dry. His throat closed up, and he felt dizzy. He just looked down, trying to focus on the ground to steady himself. He didn’t say a single word to them. Kageyama got angry, but Hinata couldn’t bring himself to that. Because he had a deep routed fear that, although he’d been told countless times it _wasn’t_ true, everyone thought of him like that, and they were just playing along.

Hinata wasn’t playing, though – the entire reason he’d taken the year out of school was to focus on his transition. He wouldn’t be able to play properly, what with recovering from the surgeries – there was no point going if he knew he wasn’t going to be well enough to attend. Kageyama was there with him – the whole Karasuno team was, really. He never woke up alone – they made sure of that.

 

Kageyama and Hinata sat next to each other on the bus, their knees touching, clasping their hands together in between them.  Hinata kept pointing things out as they went past, Kageyama murmuring at him to shut up. He never meant it, though. They were going to the beach, and Hinata couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been. He was excited to see Kenma again, and he was excited to see the beach, and he was excited to go swimming. Hell, he was excited enough about waking up in the same bed as Kageyama every morning. Everything was filling him with anticipation and excitement.

By the time they got off the bus, he was practically buzzing. He was dragging Kageyama by the hand, the taller boy having no choice but following him as he marched forward. They got the concrete drop between the street and the beach, Hinata grabbed his shoes and pulled them off with such force that he nearly slapped Kageyama in the face with them, going to pull his shirt off as well, before Kageyama forcefully stopped him. “You haven’t put on sunscreen yet, just wait until we find Kenma and Kuroo,” he muttered, taking his hand again once they were on the sand, leading him like a small child. There were so many people around – it was impossible to locate the two of them, no matter how uniquely terrible Kenma’s regrowth was. “Are you sure it was this time? Because I can’t see them anywhere. Can you call Kenma to make sure that-“

“Kageyama! Hinata!” the voice came from practically _right next_ to Kageyama’s ear, and he flinched, meaning to move, but he wasn’t fast enough. Kuroo barrelled into him, very nearly knocking him over, if it weren’t for the strength of the wall that was Hinata. Kuroo smirked at the two of them, putting his hands on his hips. “So nice to see the two of you again, it feels like it’s been ages! Hinata – have you gotten taller?” Kageyama could practically see his boyfriend’s eyes light up at that comment. That would keep him happy for hours to come. Kuroo beckoned them over to where him and Kenma had set up.

They had set up two blankets over their space, with an umbrella for shade at one end. Kenma was sat cross-legged in the shade of the umbrella, looking very over prepared for the sunny weather. He was wearing a floppy sunhat, sunglasses, a kimono styled jacket draped over his shoulders. He looked up from his DS, “Hinata,” was all he said, before going back to his game. The smaller boy flopped next to him. “Are we going to go swimming later?” he asked, looking between Kuroo and Kenma.

“I’m not.” Kenma said, his arm just visible from underneath his kimono. His tattoo, _Forever and Always,_ stood out on his pale and otherwise unmarked skin. The scar underneath it was fading fast.

Kuroo rolled his eyes, bending down, and dragging Kenma by his feet from out of the umbrella. Kenma made a rather undignified squeal, throwing his DS to one side as he was pulled. He tried to resist when Kuroo bent down to pick him up, but he couldn’t defend properly, Kuroo throwing him over his shoulder. Despite all the “Kuroo, _no_ ,” and and the “Put me down _right now_ ,” shouts, there was no stopping Kuroo as he ran towards the sea. Hinata and Kageyama could only watch him, stunned into silence by the sudden turn of events. He ran into the water, Kenma’s shrieking getting more intense, before, having travelled out a fair distance, flinging Kenma forwards over his shoulder, and backwards into the water.

Kenma splashed about madly – similar to a cat in a bath – trying to grab hold of something that would keep him upright. Kuroo was cackling, throwing his head back as he laughed at the sight. Eventually, Kenma managed to put both feet on the floor, coming up from the water. His hat was floating next to him in the water, his t-shirt and kimono clinging to his body. His hair was matted, hanging down in strips in front of his face. Very slowly, and very calmly, he pulled his sunglasses up to sit on the top of his head, and he looked up at Kuroo. And then he jumped like a wild animal, wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s middle, tackling him into the water. The two of them disappeared underneath the surface, leaving only ripples behind. They popped up again, Kenma clinging to Kuroo’s chest, reaching out to grab his hat as the taller man turned to wade back into the shore. Kenma slowly unlatched himself from his boyfriend, waddling back to their spot where Hinata and Kageyama had quietly watched the whole ordeal. He dragged his towel out of his bag, slowly stripping his kimono off, and finally his shirt. Kenma had had his top surgery three years ago, and his scars were barely noticeable anymore. Hinata grinned, “Wow! Kenma! Your chest is looking so good now!” he cried, bouncing up as he ran over to his friend, grabbing just his ribs. The two of them had developed a habit of manhandling each other that went back to pre-op times, and neither Kuroo nor Kageyama were bothered by it anymore. “I got tattoos over mine, check it,” Hinata stepped back, pulling his shirt up to his neck. He had matching crows in flight tattooed over the lines of his scarring. He was too impatient to wait for them to fade with time. “Cool,” Kenma said, tracing the edge of one of the crows. “I was thinking about getting a tattoo, like what I did with my plasty scar,” he muttered, and Hinata smiled,

“That would be cool! But yours have already faded now – you don’t have anything to cover!” he replied, and Kenma nodded, wrapping his towel around him.

That was when Hinata’s eyes widened, his jaw dropped open. “Kenma what is that on your finger?” he asked, his voice shaking. Kenma looked down, “Oh,” he muttered holding his hand out. Kuroo smiled, moving behind Kenma to wrap his arms around his waist, dripping water from his hair onto his shoulder. Hinata stared at the ring on Kenma’s finger. “What. When?” he stammered, as Kuroo held his hand out to show off his band.

“I asked him about two months ago, but we only got the rings a week ago,” Kuroo explained.

Hinata stared at Kenma, “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?!” he shouted, and Kenma looked away, blushing.

“There was never…it’s not a big deal,” he said quietly.

Their rings were different from one another – but that was to be expected from a couple as opposite as Kuroo and Kenma. They both had a gold band, but Kenma’s had a small shield design on the front of the ring, with four small gems attached: a black one, a blue one, a red one and a green one. “Is that…the Fire Emblem?” Hinata asked, and Kenma nodded, looking down at his ring as if he were only looking at it closely for the first time. Kuroo’s was larger, a silver design in the shape of Superman’s logo etched onto the ring. He smiled proudly at the smaller boy. Hinata smiled at the two of them, not really sure what else to do.

They spent the rest of the day in the water. Hinata forgot sun cream, despite Kageyama’s many warnings, so when they made it back to their flat, Hinata went straight to the bath to try and bring the heat out of the burns on his back. “This stings so much,” he whimpered, looking over to Kageyama as he sat beside the bathtub.

“That’s your fault, not mine,” he said, not looking up from his phone. “I _told_ you to put on sunscreen,”

“But how am I supposed to remember if you just tell me?”

“What? Am I supposed to put it on you myself?”

“Well, yeah…” Hinata argued, slipping deeper under the water. Kageyama looked at him, smiling slightly to himself. Hinata had grown a lot in the last year, and Kageyama was proud of him for the way he stepped over all of the obstacles in his path. He’d become a strong man, and Kageyama loved him so much. He reached out to grab Hinata’s outstretched hand. The ginger boy looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “I can’t believe Kenma’s engaged,” he muttered, and Kageyama nodded.

“I know, it seems so crazy,”

“Daichi and Suga got engaged last fall, too, remember?”

“I remember Tanaka and Noya getting incredibly pissed at their party, yeah,”

“Everything’s moving so fast,” Hinata went still in the bath, looking up at the ceiling. “When are _we_ gunna get engaged?” he asked suddenly. And Kageyama looked up at him, his eyebrows furrowed.

“We’re twenty.”

“So? Kenma’s twenty one. It’s not like you’re going anywhere,”

Kageyama laughed at that, “Yeah, I guess,”

Hinata stretched out, “What do you think our life is gunna be like?”

Kageyama shrugged, “Whatever we want,”

“Do you want kids?”

“…A dog. Maybe.”

Hinata laughed, tugging on Kageyama’s hand pulling him closer to the bath. He put one soaking hand on the front of Kageyama’s shirt, pulling him in. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his lips firmly to Kageyama’s. The black haired boy put his hand on the back of Hinata’s neck, nipping at his lower lip. Life wasn’t easy for them. Hinata still had a lot of issues with his body, and things he didn’t feeling comfortable letting other people see. He was getting used to being held by Kageyama, even after all these years. He was working well with his new team members in training, but Kageyama could tell he was nervous about letting them in. He was trying his best, though. Kageyama wasn’t going to give up on him. There was so many things the two of them could look forward to doing together, and he couldn’t wait for that.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That's it. This is finished. Im a lil bit emotional, because the story is really close to my heart, what with my transition and all. My first appointment is this Wednesday, and I'm really excited for it!  
> So yeah. Thank you all so much for reading this, I appreciate it so much  
> My tumblr is anri-kun.tumblr.com if any of you want to ask me questions, talk to me, ect. All of my usernames are Anri Yoshiwara themed, sorry not sorry.  
> Thank you again for reading!!  
> My next Haikyuu fanfiction will be a KuroKen story called Premonitions, Pythons and Poltergeists, in which Kenma, having been fired from his last job, gets hired to work at an old antiques store under the management of a mysterious young man, Oikawa. Kuroo has a bad feeling about this shop though, and slowly his fears about the place begin to come true.  
> I hope you will join me in that story, too!  
> Until then, bye!


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